1st Post-Lenten Reflection

Recently I went through the chapter of 1 Samuel 11, as per my Scriptural contemplation. In brief, it narrates the first major accomplishment of Saul, who gathered the people of Israel against the threat of the Ammonites in Jabesh-gilead and subsequently crushed them. This event then led up to his appointment as the first king of Israel.

As I contemplated and recorded my thoughts/views on the passage, a certain phrase caught my attention:

He (Saul) took a yoke of oxen, and cut them into pieces and sent them throughout the territory of Israel by the hand of the messengers, saying, “Whoever does not come out after Saul or Samuel, so shall it be done to his oxen!” (1 Samuel 11:7).

To which I wrote,

‘…he who does not respond actively to this call as a witness will have their own share of grace given by God taken away from them (Luke 19:24).’

While this may not be a direct work of evangelization, it reminded me that no matter how busy I am in life, if I do not make time and consciously choose to ignore others, God will certainly not let that slide.

Examining myself on this year, during the beginning of the semester I was more willing and helpful, and my academic performance was quite satisfactory. The second half however, with the end Lent and fasting I unleashed my over-the-top behaviour and let loose the demons in me. On a particular day, I received back three results, and all three made me want to compress them into a ball and send them to the recycling center.

How can I expect help from God when I refused to help others? And how can I lay blame anyone but myself? Only a few posts back I wrote on how I am to watch myself carefully, being a witness of Christ as others too are watching me. How then will others see me? How then will it project my Catholic faith? Seeing that some have already come to identify me as a “religious” person, this is not something I can easily escape from – and this should not be something we, as Christians try to escape from.

I believe the Lord is steering me back towards the right path, albeit quite harshly, as His witness in spirit and in truth, and to prevent me from steadily sliding backwards. As I recall the prayer I make before tests/exams, I am reminded to strive to reorganise my life, that it may be an acceptable offering to the Lord.

“But most of all O Lord, no matter what happens, that I will lift it all up to you.”

RFG always.

Post-Lenten Review

Ever since Lent passed, contrary of its purpose to emerge as a better/stronger person, I have been taking a huge step backwards – physically, morally and even spiritually. It was like as though all the urges held back during the 40 day period came rushing out like a burst dam.

On the first day of Easter, I have been eating non-stop after coming back from Mass – from cendol to kuih to chocolates all the way to dinner and after dinner more junk food all the way until I fell back to bed. This continued the next day, as though my stomach is making up for what it potentially would have taken, although it was far more likely I would not have taken them on ordinary days prior to Lent.

Since then I noticed too I became more self-centered, responding more to situations that suited my purpose while almost to the point of ignoring others whom I deem will not benefit me. Quite a number of times I brushed aside those who are in need of my help – whether they asked or no –, became ruder and curt in answering, and concentrated more on my work solely for my own benefit.

In terms of spiritual growth… it is said that this aspect corresponds accordingly to one’s physical and moral states, and it is no exception this time around. I began to compromise bit by bit on the time set aside for prayer and Scripture reading, and while prayer may not have occurred less often, the quality experienced a drastic drop, as my mind often is preoccupied with idle thoughts and issues which I brought upon myself (eg: sleeping late and praying faster to in compensation).

As of today, the after-effects still can be observed even this far in to the Easter season. There can only be one conclusion: it is seriously time for me to pause and reflect all that happened during the 40 days of Lent which led up to this mess.