What happens when internet connection is as
stable as churning water, assignments come in stacks and test required studying
codes and 1819 page textbooks? Answer: A slow post. Thus I apologise to anyone
following this blog – not that I believe anyone IS following this blog XD. Note
this post was supposed to be early in June XP.
Yes, even until now, I am still on this,
since even up till now there are still traces of the aftereffects of what
happened post-Lenten.
Stress was one of the reasons why I ended
the way I was/am, although it itself played only a part of it – nevertheless a
major part.
When I decided
to fast, I gave up on quite a number of activities I would normally do during
my leisure time. One of it was of course eating. Due to financial circumstances
my meals are usually very plain and simple (do not get me wrong, I am grateful
for what I have), and one way to compensate that was through a little more
quantity during breakfast and dinner. When the 40 day fasting began, I cut down
slightly on that end, the occasional munching at an odd hour to keep myself
awake and my stomach satisfied (and my mouth busy), as well as my “lunch”.
PC gaming was
another thing I put off during this time. While I cannot recall if I stopped it
completely, I can say I laid off a substantial amount of time in which
otherwise I would have spent clicking away with my mouse and keyboard.
While these may be
a minor sacrifice to some, it was quite a trying time for me particularly from
the middle of the semester onward, when workloads began mounting so much so
that I deemed it necessary to reduce the time for prayer/devotion by half of
what I usually did. There were days where I stayed beyond 4 in the morning to
finish my assignments/projects, and waking up later after 2 hours of sleep.
Without an
effective outlet, my stress continued to build up. Had I sought to look hard
enough, it may be that I could have found a feasible alternative against this
predicament – but now that I think of it, would that have been considered as
fasting then? I guess that would depend on the activity as well as its intensity.
Regardless, I was much too lazy to find or integrate other alternatives.
As much though I
may reason, argue or justify about how little time I have for relaxation, it
was not as though I absolutely has no time for myself. Deprived from games and
food, I resorted to wandering aimlessly on the web, idly searching for anything
that caught my interest – yet this was a little above pure wasting time and
certainly was not a very productive/healthy habit. Oh, and there was the
alternative of reading but that can eat up to 3 hours per session, thus something
in which I tried to avoid.
In light of this
situation, what should I have done? Read the Bible? Be still and meditate? Work
out? Truthfully, I see no easy answer to this. I believe one effective method
for one may not be so for another. That being said however, one of the more
effective solution I found to helped me calm myself was going out for a
breather.
Sometimes I
believe nature provides a certain soothing quality that cannot be found
elsewhere through human means. Substitutions such as food was a far more
expensive route that only seemed to satisfy me for the length it takes to
finish it, or until my stomach was
finished with it. When I think back, many biblical characters too applied such
methods, from meditating under a tree (Judges 4:5),
to contemplating in the wilderness (1 Kings 19:39-44)
or praying in the garden (Luke 22:39-44). While
I will not say this for everyone, I believe the noise of human activities
provides a dangerous distraction which may even cause one to come back for
more, deviating you from your original intended task for a significantly large
period of time. I only need to look at myself to see the numerous times I
thought ‘five more minutes’ while playing,
or ‘one more chapter’ when reading.
For me a stroll took
a different front. While clearing off the mind, it did not pose the temptation
of taking excessively long bouts of wandering the grounds. Rather, it allowed
me to collect myself to continue the task. To me this is one of nature’s
quality God provided for us that is oft taken for granted. God ministers
through the environment, it being the first and oldest form of therapy, knowing
that people such as I cannot solely draw strength, or rather cannot muster the
strength to pray or pick up the Bible mid-stress. In fact, I would applaud
those who manage to do such. Often God reveals Himself and speaks to us through
the calm as well.
So why had I not
applied this? Actually I did but often I am tempted to get something to munch
when I leave my room. Usually the moment I buy something I would come back to
the room to continue my work but between eating, getting my hands dirty and
working does pose a significant interference to progress. I guess that is a
fault I must try and overcome.
Whatever the
method one must find a way to overcome such times. No matter who we are, one
day each of us will inevitably come to a period where it feels as if the whole
world is laid upon our shoulders. I found a potential solution to which I will
try when such a period comes again. I pray then the Lord would grant me His
peace written in John 14:27, as He did in
Jesus, His Apostles and the prophets when they went to seek His solace.
RFG always.
