Being a catholic Catholic

Every living being to some degree is biased in one way or another. Whether it is a preference of a type of food, an inclination towards certain subjects/ideologies, or a desire towards certain conditions, no one is completely free from prejudice. 

Depending on the issue at hand, being biased does not necessarily translate to being wrong. No one can justly condemn me for choosing fantasy genres over romance, just as I have no right to criticise a person for preferring social games against single player ones.

However, when we become too partial to our inclinations, we are in danger of closing ourselves to new ideas, thus limiting our horizons. It may not be extremely grave in some matters, but in our spiritual journey, when we put our interests and self-biased beliefs first, we will fail to recognise God’s glory and mercy to us and to those around us.

Take a look at attitudes of the Sadducees in Acts 4:1-22. Disgruntled at the Apostles for preaching a concept contrary to their beliefs, they had them arrested and questioned before the Sanhedrin. Even with sound evidence, they not only refused to accept it, but also attempted sweep the incident under the rug with warnings and threats, closing their eyes to the miracle performed.

There are times when I reflect upon myself, I see a person inflated by his knowledge and intellect, even when both these are severely lacking. Because of this, I often fail – or even refuse – to consider perspectives past my own skewed view.

With this in mind, I thought it prudent to evaluate my beliefs through this lens. My self-biasness stems from the knowledge and experience I gained throughout my (relatively short) life. Is the above not the same then, concerning my stance in Catholicism, Christianity and God Himself?

Short answer: Yes, but with reason.

To start: Am I self-biased in my belief in God? Yes. A large part is likely due to my family (even if they are non-practising Christians) and the environment I was brought up in. As a child I took whatever my family and Church said as true, and later in life I found answers that satisfied my questions pertaining the issue. Thus I never truly had a crisis where I doubted the existence of a benevolent omnipotent being governing the universe.

Am I self-biased in my belief in Christianity? Yes. Other than the reasons mentioned above, I find the love and mercy shown by the Christian God extremely appealing. Is there any other god(s) willing to die for his/her creation, comparable to an insignificant speck of dust in the vast universe? No other deity shows such overwhelming love for his/her creation as far as I know.

Am I self-biased in my belief in Catholicism? Yes, in addition to all the aforementioned, I find the arguments for the Catholic Church exceptionally convincing. But, as with everyone who testifies to have found their true calling in life, personal experience comes at the forefront (hint). These experiences can only be fully witnessed and testified by myself alone.

But is this not the same with the Sadducees in Acts 4? Were they not also committed to their beliefs and practices, inspired by their knowledge and experiences? Was not the Church similar as well, when it refused to consider/acknowledge certain scientific theories/truths?

While I cannot in full confidence speak for the people back then, I must ask myself: are all these self-biased beliefs govern by self-interest? Am I ultimately doing all this for myself? One thing for certain: that was what the Pharisees and teachers of the Law were condemned for (Luke 11:37-52).

My answer: yes and no. Yes, in that I am searching for love, fulfilment, success, comfort and at the end avoid the fires of Hell. Yet I also do this because I want to, just as one would go through much for his/her beloved, nevermind the inconveniences that comes with it, even if it brings no visible benefit to the giver. How much can mere 50 cents contribute towards the construction of the Church, compared to the thousands others are donating? How does buying gifts for others benefit me when they hardly remember me, or do not even know me or that it was me in the first place? Why spend hours praying when I am not in the mood, or feeling unproductive in my growth, when I can spend that time instead to focus on my work, entertainment or social life? A hedonist may contend that all my actions are ultimately contrived by myself for my own satisfaction and pleasure, but is that really the case? Why then, do I sometimes go out my way for people even when they do not bring me any benefit, whether materialistically or emotionally, in present or in future? Perhaps to satiate my conscience? I cannot say so as well: there are instances where I feel the person does not require my interference, either because I do not know him/her well enough to have my heartstrings tugged, or that God (I feel) would not mind since it is technically not a sin anyways. So I must conclude this self-bias is not fully done for self-interest.

Yet too much self-biasness will enclose a person in a shell, and they will fail to recognise that God works through other mediums as well, even though I stand by the faith that fullness is found in the Catholic Church. After all, He willed Himself to be found in all areas humanity and beyond can thread. For “…He made from one every nation of men…that they should seek God,” and that “He is not far from each of us” (Acts 17:26-28).

Some issues I encountered are admittedly quite ridiculous. I can still recall back when Pokemon was all a rage a local Catholic newspaper published an article cautioning the religious “problems” that may arise from the fad. One example I clearly remember was how the writer likened Bellsprout to Baal from the Bible. And incredibly I still find people from my Church posting similar posts on Facebook in recent years. Tell me anime and video games are tools of the devil; I would like to remind them Scripture was, and still is being used to steer God’s faithful away from Him (Matthew 4:5-6).

Balancing the traditions handed down while attempting to be progressive in today’s world can at times be akin to walking a tightrope. To believe the earth revolves around the sun would have condemned one to heresy several hundred years ago. Where do we draw the line? How do can we discern what is sacred and what is embellishment? What is fact and what is figurative? To be a catholic Catholic is much more complicated than it seems. The Church – whom God promises will not be overcome by the gates of Hell –, her core beliefs and the Bible should always remain as my foundation, but all of us will someday have to build our own houses from the materials we gathered in our lives. I pray that mine will be firmly established with those as my foundation, and guided by the Holy Spirit in the finer matters arising when erecting the walls.

RFG always.

Perseverance to the Pinnacle

Back in January this year, Byun Hyun-woo was awarded the 2016 Player of the Year by ESPN E-sports. As a “moderate” fan of the StarCraft 2 (SC2) scene (although moderate is relative to each person), this recently caught my attention, not just as a follower of the game but also the story behind it.

Byun Hyun-woo, better known by his in-game ID ‘ByuN’ has been a long time professional gamer since the early days of SC2. While unquestioningly a very skilled player, his name was not among the list of giants such as MC, Life or INnoVation. ByuN was a person people would give a nod to, but not someone you would expect to make it to the pinnacle. Simply put, he was good but never the best.

ByuN is a bit unique among the SC2 pro scene, yet probably more relatable to a typical nerdy avid gamer or otaku. Not only does he look the part, his history as a player also reflects this. While noted to play very well in online ladder (ranked) matches, he is prone to nervousness and occasionally fumbles during offline tournaments in front of crowds. His agitation is quite visibly noted especially when a situation does not play out well for him.

ByuN disappeared from the radar in 2014 and did not appear in major tournaments until late 2016. At the time when SC2 scene was suffering due to scandals, the economic slowdown, and a gradual decline in interest, ByuN re-emerged in the year’s second season of the Global StarCraft League (GSL), the top premier tournament in South Korea. Teamless and alone, all odds were against him, and most did not expect him to advance far into the tournament. Yet ByuN defied all expectations and went on to be the first teamless player to win this prestigious tournament. Later in the year, he would proceed to win the 2016 global World Championship Series (WCS), this time sponsored by Team Expert.

This man literally got his fairy tale, from being some person on the street to a shining ray in the turbulent SC2 scene. Had he failed then, ByuN would have quietly dropped off the SC2 scene, unremembered among the hundreds of players who had potential but never manage hit their break.

Sometimes we fall short of the goals we set upon ourselves. Perhaps we did not put in enough effort, we do not have the opportunity, or there is just simply someone more talented/passionate than us. Whatever the case, we have yet to hit the gold behind the wall of rock.

It is okay to fail. It is okay to cry, to feel depressed when we do. But never give up, never let it drag you down even when the world seem to be against you. No prize is worth winning unless we work hard for it. No real satisfaction is felt unless we put in effort to make it happen. ByuN made it to the peak alone in a room in front of his PC, but we have the backing of the greatest team comprising of angels, saints and God Himself.

“If God is for us, who is against us?”

(Romans 8:31)

RFG always.

Reference

Erzberger, T. (2017). Why Byun is the 2016 ESPN Esports Player of the Year. Retrieved from ESPN: http://www.espn.com/esports/story/_/id/18445829/byun

Giants Asleep in Us

Every once in a while, I find myself marveling at the extent of power God has given to mankind. One such moment occurred as I was going through the daily missal on Thursday, the first week of Easter.

Since the beginning, God destined for man to be rulers of the earth and everything in it (Genesis 1:28). As we go by in our daily lives, we often take for granted this privilege we are given, perhaps even scoffing at the statement in our moments of despair and failure. Yet, as a reminder to himself as well as the generations to come, David left behind his reflection:

“What is man, that thou art mindful of him,

and the son of man that thou dost care for him?

Yet thou hast made him little less than God,

and dost crown him with glory and honour.

Thou hast given him dominion over the works of Thy hands;

thou hast put all things under his feet.”

(Psalm 8:4-6)

What we think or feel does not change the fact that humans have the potential to achieve a great deal in anything we put our minds into.

Even after the fall of Adam, God did not rescind this blessing, and mankind multiplied throughout the earth, conquering land, sea and arguably even the skies above. At times, I wonder if the Fall ultimately only served to benefit man, having now been endowed with the grace to be redeemed by His Only Son, and the opportunity to be called sons and daughters of the Most High through Jesus Christ. Indeed on the eve of Easter, Catholics throughout the world proclaim in the Exsultet:

“O happy fault, O necessary sin of Adam, which gained for us so great a Redeemer!”

To those who answered His call, God gave them authority over sin and death itself. In the past Adam and (later) Noah were blessed and commanded in Genesis to “be fruitful and multiply” throughout the Earth; today Christ blesses His Apostles with the Holy Spirit (John 20:22) and sends them to gather in the harvest into His Father’s barn (Luke 10:2). Being witnesses to His Death and Resurrection (Luke 24:35-48), they were granted great powers in His Name (Acts 3:11-26).

Yet in this generation, many – myself included – seem to have lost the fire of the first Apostles. Perhaps it is made harder today with the noise of the world, rat-race dog-eat-dog lifestyle, and how we are taught to think scientifically, rationally and sceptically – but hardly (if ever) spiritually. I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier if we were living in those times 2000 years ago, when life was less complicated, and events and experiences were still fresh in the minds of the people.

Or could it be, that deep down we are reluctant shoulder the burden that comes with the blessing? That we only seek to embrace the “Gospel of Life, Peace and Blessings” but not the “trials, sufferings and cross”, even when the two are one and the same? One cannot be without the other. One memorable quote for me came from the 2002 Spiderman movie, when Benjamin Parker said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Awhile back B and I had a discussion, and he mentioned how he does not like to read negative depressing news, as it serves no purpose but to demotivate people. Ironically such material almost always ends up on the headlines even in Christian newspapers, as people seem to be naturally drawn to them like insects are to a streetlamp in the night. The bottom line, to quote B, is that “bad news sells”.

How many others, myself included, go about our lives as such, averting our eyes to things we rather not see and avoiding anything that rattles our comfort zone? To not rise, march and take hold of the glory which God destined for us? Rather, we settle for less, for what is “good” but not “very good” (Genesis 1:31) or “perfect” (Matthew 5:48). Occasionally we stumble across a situation that catches our eye, we complain, we gossip – but unless it drastically affects us, the majority will not step beyond that boundary.

No matter how great our ambitions, it can never compare to the grandeur God has for us. In the end, it all bores down to this: am I willing to sound the gong and awaken the giant within me? Unless we rediscover, appreciate and exercise the divine glory we are given, we will not be able to realise the full plan God has in store for us.

RFG always.

START: DASH

When I first discovered that my entire experiment failed due to equipment error, I could not feel much. I was already spent on emotions. I had already gone through the 4 stages of frustration: cursing, self-harm, crying and laughing throughout the course leading to this event. An entire year of preparation: planning, waiting, setup and sleepovers all gone down the drain because I was advised by the custodian to use an equipment that (unknowingly) had not been calibrated.

I rarely cry. The few instances that catch me shedding tears would either be when I feel supernaturally uplifted, or when I feel immensely burdened from studies/research. People often comment how stupid that girl/guy who committed suicide is, when all he/she received was a single B among the straight As in an exam. Going through a similar phase, I can somewhat empathise with them. The value each person places on an object differs for each individual, influenced by the amount of time that is invested in it. Unless the person experienced it, he/she will not understand, nor are they qualified to comment.

Days passed. As the weight and effects began to press in, I felt like I wanted to burst. But no tears will flow. Like a cup filled to the brim, I had already let fall all surface tears. Like a balloon filled with air but will not burst, no room to let it out.

Yet they remain, on the brink of eruption. A single crack, and the dam will burst. A pinprick and the container will explode.

That particular evening, I did not have the heart to pray. I did not have the heart to carry out what I regularly do, brooding over the time and effort that was washed down the drain. And the more I dwell on it, the more inclined I was to rage and complain at Him.

No mood for games either; those could literally darken the black if events did not turn out my way. Then on a whim I decided to continue with the last episode of Love Live Season 1.

I do not usually watch such anime. An all-girl cast, perpetual blushing characters and interpersonal female relationships – even if clean – make me cringe. Yet at that moment, the final minutes of the episode really pulled my heartstrings.  Being the first time viewing the episode made all the more impact. Recollecting the previous 12 episodes: their sadness at the future closing of their school, the desperation to find a way to keep it open, the perseverance in training, the opposition by higher ups using their methods, the preparations for the song, stage, costumes and promotion for their first concert – only to find it virtually empty.

I can imagine. The disappointment of not having even one seat filled the auditorium, the spark of light when a single audience showed up, the commitment in slowly building up relationships and skills, the momentum as they gradually gain recognition – and once again, everything comes crashing down at their removal from the rankings, and the sudden announcement of a member’s departure.

Success is such a delicate thing. Like a house of cards: so difficult to construct, yet so easy to fall apart. Watching a tower collapse, I would like nothing better than to tear through the main construct and be done with it. Or I can get up, pick up the pieces and trudge on. For, even in the last moment, there can be a turnaround. Miracles can happen. Kotori may return. Another chance may come. So I will not give up on hope. I will call out to Him.

This I believe. To this I hold on. Time to restart my µ's.

I say...

Hey, hey, hey, START: DASH!!

Hey, hey, hey, START: DASH!!

Even newborn birds

Will someday flutter into the sky

On their large, strong wings.

So, of course we can't give up,

Because that day will surely come for us.

You can feel it too, can't you?

The beating of a new beginning.

Tomorrow, change,

Change into what we hope for!

Change into that bright, unwavering light!

START!

That person, closed up in her sadness,

Always crying, that person isn't you.

With a burning heart, I'm sure you'll cut through it!

That person, closed up in her sadness,

Always crying, that person is boring.

I'm sure, (I'm sure) that with your power (with your dreams)

(right now), moving forward with that power,

I can believe in you... so START!

And once again, another dream is born...

That person, closed up in her sadness,

Always crying, that person isn't you.

With a burning heart, I'm sure you'll cut through it!

Grasping our happiness, moving forward,

With you and I, connected,

Of course we found our way back, after being lost.

Grasping our happiness,

With you and I, moving forward,

That is (That is) a distant piece of our dream,

But it's an important piece!

Look forward into the distance, I DASH!

Hey, hey, hey, START: DASH!!

Hey, hey, hey, START: DASH!!

– µ's, START:DASH, abridged (English translation)

Hotpot ≠ Potluck

Near the beginning of this year I was in the car with C on the way to Church. Throughout the journey we talked about several things, mainly our experiences and issues we faced revolving around our Faith (that was also his last time celebrating Mass near the university campus, as he completed his final semester and was about to fly back in a few days).

Somewhere down, our conversation focused on the current Catholic Students Society (CSS) of our university. I cannot remember much of the discussion, aside from agreeing that they should not keep switching patron Churches, and their not-so-good management of affairs with the previous patron Church. I also vaguely recalled however, talking about certain people we both personally knew and the way they acted/changed – and not for the better. What stood out most to me at that time was not the people we were discussing about, but the person I was having the discussion with. Just as we are about to dig deeper into the problems the CSS members are facing, there was always one phrase he uttered which prevents us from doing so: “Don’t judge.”

“Don’t judge.” It is a phrase I commonly see and hear throughout my life, especially on social networking sites (though less often nowadays). “Don’t judge based on appearances, don’t judge me before getting to know me, don’t judge my actions, etc…”

The topic of judging is a broad one, and holds much potential for discussion. To try keeping within the context with this post, for the most part I agree that we should not be so quick to form conclusions based on one or two cases. When I first encountered Bob, I thought he was some stuck up dude based on his typical facial expression and aloofness. It was only 4 years later when I had my first opportunity to talk to him, that I discovered the helpful and interesting side beneath the shell of introversion.

However during my conversation with C, I feel the implication here was different. Yes, we should not be so quick to judge a person from a single event, but does that mean we are to remain silent when we see them commit something questionable?

No matter how much one is against it, everyone has to make judgments. We make our choices by judging what best fulfils our criteria/objective. Each time I wake up, I decide whether I should immediately get ready or tarry in bed. I deliberate whether I should make breakfast or eat out; my response to person of different age, status, gender, current emotional state or apparent personality; my actions based on a particular situation, and so forth.

I believe a similar approach should be applied in my conversation with C. St Paul mentioned in 1 Corinthians 5:9-12 not to associate with immoral men claiming to belong to the Church. A little further down, he continued, “Is it not those inside the Church whom you are to judge?” Looking at it closely, I feel one can tie this somewhat to Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15-17.

C advocates not to judge, but I say we are to do so – not to condemn but to correct or improve, just as St Paul wrote to the believers of Corinthians, just as Christ taught His disciples.

I find this a problem among many Christians today, especially those from the East of the country. On one hand I admire their spirit and culture of community, living in harmony with one another regardless of ethnicity or religion (there is a church and a mosque located just beside the other; on Fridays the Church opens its gates to allow Muslim worshippers to park inside for their prayers, and vice versa for Christians on Sundays). So much so that when they come to the West of the nation, many are taken aback by the racial and religious cards constantly played here. However, their way of life also causes them to adopt a more charismatic and laidback attitude regarding their faith.

I felt this slight over-openness hanging throughout my conversation with C. During our subsequent discussion, when C and I pondered on the answer if someone were to ask us what/which is the true religion, his answer was somewhere along the lines of “whatever the person truly believes is right”. This made me recall a post I had written awhile back in 2012 (http://rideforgod.blogspot.my/2012/05/awhile-back-while-browsing-through-my.html). There are many (other) remarks I could make on this opinion as well. I will leave a detailed discussion for another post, but for now would like to say this: as a Christian sent out to be a witness for Christ, is that the way a believer is supposed to respond?

As a Catholic, I firmly believe we should always be clear in what we believe in. This is why I find it so important to know my faith, and the reasons why I hold onto it. Flimsy convictions are likely to bend even against weak and ungrounded arguments. As a follower of Christ, I am thus reminded to always be firm and decisive in my beliefs, especially in the most crucial matter pertaining to my life here and after.

RFG always.