When I first discovered that
my entire experiment failed due to equipment error, I could not feel much. I
was already spent on emotions. I had already gone through the 4 stages of
frustration: cursing, self-harm, crying and laughing throughout the course
leading to this event. An entire year of preparation: planning, waiting, setup
and sleepovers all gone down the drain because I was advised by the custodian to
use an equipment that (unknowingly) had not been calibrated.
I rarely cry. The few
instances that catch me shedding tears would either be when I feel
supernaturally uplifted, or when I feel immensely burdened from
studies/research. People often comment how stupid that girl/guy who committed
suicide is, when all he/she received was a single B among the straight As in an
exam. Going through a similar phase, I can somewhat empathise with them. The
value each person places on an object differs for each individual, influenced
by the amount of time that is invested in it. Unless the person experienced it,
he/she will not understand, nor are they qualified to comment.
Days passed. As the weight and
effects began to press in, I felt like I wanted to burst. But no tears will
flow. Like a cup filled to the brim, I had already let fall all surface tears.
Like a balloon filled with air but will not burst, no room to let it out.
Yet they remain, on the brink
of eruption. A single crack, and the dam will burst. A pinprick and the
container will explode.
That particular evening, I did
not have the heart to pray. I did not have the heart to carry out what I
regularly do, brooding over the time and effort that was washed down the drain.
And the more I dwell on it, the more inclined I was to rage and complain at Him.
No mood for games either;
those could literally darken the black if events did not turn out my way. Then
on a whim I decided to continue with the last episode of Love Live Season 1.
I do not usually watch such
anime. An all-girl cast, perpetual blushing characters and interpersonal female
relationships – even if clean – make me cringe. Yet at that moment, the final
minutes of the episode really pulled my heartstrings. Being the first time viewing the episode made
all the more impact. Recollecting the previous 12 episodes: their sadness at
the future closing of their school, the desperation to find a way to keep it
open, the perseverance in training, the opposition by higher ups using
their methods, the preparations for the song, stage, costumes and promotion for
their first concert – only to find it virtually empty.
I can imagine. The
disappointment of not having even one seat filled the auditorium, the spark of
light when a single audience showed up, the commitment in slowly building up
relationships and skills, the momentum as they gradually gain recognition – and
once again, everything comes crashing down at their removal from the rankings,
and the sudden announcement of a member’s departure.
Success is such a delicate thing. Like a house of cards: so difficult to construct, yet so easy to
fall apart. Watching a tower collapse, I would like nothing better than to tear
through the main construct and be done with it. Or I can get up, pick up the
pieces and trudge on. For, even in the last moment, there can be a turnaround.
Miracles can happen. Kotori may return. Another chance may come. So I will not
give up on hope. I will call out to Him.
This I believe. To this I hold
on. Time to restart my µ's.
I say...
Hey, hey, hey,
START: DASH!!
Hey, hey, hey,
START: DASH!!
Even newborn birds
Will someday
flutter into the sky
On their large,
strong wings.
So, of course we
can't give up,
Because that day
will surely come for us.
You can feel it
too, can't you?
The beating of a
new beginning.
Tomorrow, change,
Change into what
we hope for!
Change into that
bright, unwavering light!
START!
That person,
closed up in her sadness,
Always crying,
that person isn't you.
With a burning
heart, I'm sure you'll cut through it!
That person,
closed up in her sadness,
Always crying,
that person is boring.
I'm sure, (I'm
sure) that with your power (with your dreams)
(right now),
moving forward with that power,
I can believe in
you... so START!
And once again,
another dream is born...
That person,
closed up in her sadness,
Always crying,
that person isn't you.
With a burning
heart, I'm sure you'll cut through it!
Grasping our
happiness, moving forward,
With you and I,
connected,
Of course we found
our way back, after being lost.
Grasping our
happiness,
With you and I,
moving forward,
That is (That is)
a distant piece of our dream,
But it's an
important piece!
Look forward into
the distance, I DASH!
Hey, hey, hey,
START: DASH!!
Hey, hey, hey,
START: DASH!!
– µ's, START:DASH, abridged (English
translation)
