Imprisoned by Praise

Almost every night before bed, I would have a private praise and worship session alone in my room. As of late, I sing heavy metal music songs as my (main) medium for worship.

Last night as usual, I was on ‘Redemption’ by August Burns Red, when a voice called out for me to switch it off and close the tab. Just fill those reading this in, I do not own the album for the song; I listen to it through YouTube.

At first, my mind tried to rationalise to the voice. I had wanted this album, ‘Messengers’, for quite awhile back but I could not find it where I am. I have been through the music shops I know, both Christian and mainstream, with no luck. Not that I expected it; metalcore bands are not exactly common, what more a (Christian) one.

Then, the fact that in their MySpace account, they have the song uploaded for all to listen to. That, and coupled with the fact that they did not take measures to shut down those who had uploaded it, as bands like UnderOath and Skillet did.

Even my former youth minister once mentioned that because you have only used a single song, this is not strictly plagiarism. This could even be a way to promote the band and Christian values among our brothers and sisters.

It could have even been the devil at work, whispering to me, telling me not to listen to this. After all, the devil is not above cunning and deceit. At that time, I may have been inclined to think such, since I lost quite a bit of fervour to continue the session.

However, I just could not ignore that insistent voice in my head. So I stopped (or at least reduced) trying to shut it off and began to contemplate on this. Somewhere inside, I had a feeling that God was to sending me a message, but that my mind just did not want to hear it.

A moment later, these thoughts flew through: God’s ways are not my ways (Romans 11:33-34). If I continue to remain and rely too much on my logic and reason, I will never be able to fully comprehend the ways of the Lord (1 Corinthians 2:14).

The frequency in which I listen to ‘Redemption’, my conscience told me that I should purchase the album and then listen to it all I want. It is not that I do not enjoy the rest of their songs; I just do not use/listen to them as they do not have a direct mention of my relationship with God (whenever I sing praise, I prefer to express that special, privileged and intimate relationship I have with Him).

Even as with this newly occurred saying and reasoning in my mind, it could not fend off the rationalising arguments, particularly the second one mentioned. As I sat there still struggling with my thoughts and contemplating, the song kept running, nearing the end. Then, the final line struck me:

“Set me free.”

These words had a huge gravity on me because of the consequences I go through for this song. Because of my principles, I do not download the songs I listen to; I just do not shut my Firefox and leave the tab as it is. This makes eats my laptops RAM as well as making it slower.

More importantly, will I be able to live off a day without the song? I began to realise that I was listening to it more and more because of the music, and less for the praise. A subtle twist in priority, but a drastic turnover from my original purpose. And after the drive and passion for the music began wearing off slightly, I was listening to it more for the sake of listening to it. It is as though I am more mentally bound to song now.

Thus I see now, the voice was not sent by the enemy to steer me away, rather it was my Lord calling me to revamp my priorities. Man, the Satan must have employed some high ranking agent, to be able to come up with this very subtle and cunning bondage.

Thus, to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I thank you for delivering me from my chains, and would once again wish to rededicate myself to the will of the Father.

Good God, if your song leaves our lips
If your work leaves our hands
Then we will be wonders and vagabonds
They will stare and say how empty we are
How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men
Let us be cold, make us weak
Let us, because we all have ears
Let us, because we all have eyes

Good God!
How they knew that this would happen

They knew, they knew that this would
We’re so run down
Good God, can you still get us home

Broken we still came home
How can we still get home
I’m not dreaming
We’re forgetting our forgiveness

Too Bright to See, Too Loud to Hear - by UnderOath

PS: God has indeed shown a way for those who continue to look persistently. I found out they allow you to purchase a single song while I was browsing their MySpace today. =) Now all I need to do is find someone with an Amazon account…

RFG always.