The Dawn on Sunset

I have been into Japanese visual novels (VNs) for quite a while now, years before they began emerging on Steam. One title I quite enjoyed was Eden*, released early this year on the mainly gaming internet store. It follows the story of a former elite soldier Ryou and his encounter with a genius researcher called Sion, and explores the relationship between the two characters. (Note: Spoiler alert to anyone reading this).

As the setting goes, mankind faced a crisis following the revelation that the world was about to be destroyed. To escape their fate, humanity undertook a major project, constructing giant spaceships to migrate the entire population into space, dubbed the Earth Evacuation Project. To that end, beings known as Felixes were created. Felixes were fundamentally humans, but genetically engineered to possess long life and exceptional intelligence. Due to their vital role in realising humanity’s dreams to escape earth and hence their doom, Felixes are highly regarded but literally confined to their respective tasks 24/7, like a bird in a gilded cage. It is in this setting that the protragonist was introduced and assigned to guard the primary research facility of the Felixes, specifically the ace of Felixes Sion. A series of events led to the two escaping from the research facility during the final stages of the project, just before the last ships were to be launched into space, to live a backcountry life on earth. The first half of the VN focused on Ryou’s time in the research facility, while the latter portion centered on his relationship with Sion after their escape.

Throughout the story, one theme which caught my attention was Sion’s outlook on her death. As a Felix, from her moment of birth until death she was destined to be locked in her research by her human overseers, never allowed to leave her work to experience the outside world. Even when the flame of her life was to reach its end, the government planned to dissect every part of her body for examination, in order to manufacture new geniuses as her.

While Sion was satisfied of and did not regret the work she accomplished for the sake of humanity, as all beings are deep down, she yearned to experience what life has to offer beyond her research, as well as to be given the freedom to pass from it with dignity. During the scene when she expressed those thoughts, Mark 8:36 immediately floated to mind:

“For what does it profit a man, to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?”

Sion who stood at the forefront of the Earth Evacuation Project was regarded by many as the savior of the human race. However, the person herself was literally caged by their feelings, denying her dreams to walk beyond the confines of the research facility. Unrelated as it may seem, the verse and scenario had me somehow contemplating on the Catholic moral question of Sion and Ryous’s deliberate decision to remain on Earth and die.

When I first mulled over this, I felt it uncannily similar to the issue of euthanasia. To dictate your death, and then to walk to that end at your own volition. No matter how hopeless or definite the case may seem, taking one’s own life or the life of others is a grave sin, since God is the only one who has the right to decide the appropriate time to take back a person. Those who choose to plunge down the path of euthanasia basically hold that God has no power over life and death. In addition, suffering is an essential mark of Christianity, a road that all must traverse and endure as part of our pilgrimage here on earth.

For Sion, death was several paces from her doorstep, but Ryou, who accompanied her and subsequently decided to stay by her side, was still fit and keen with many years ahead of him; his decision to stay behind was directly the result from Sion’s will that she remain on earth. Thus for Ryou, is it not the same as throwing away your life for the sake of that one brief moment?

Taking the two issues separately and addressing the first case: should Sion have boarded the ship and continue contributing to society, while shifting her sights to search for her peace and contentment in space instead? After all, as they say, “home is where the heart is.” The verse that went through my mind was a verse I often find on Christian tombstones:

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge will award me on that Day…”

(2 Timothy 4:7-8)

As previously mentioned, Felixes were kept on a tight leash, and were not allowed to participate in anything beyond the work they were assigned to. Humanly speaking, how many would be able to endure a lifetime working every and all day without personal time for oneself? To be monitored constantly around the clock seems to me no different than living in a concentration camp. If they kept pushing Sion at the final stages of her life on earth, it is almost certain they will not relent even in space. Settling down under such circumstances would indeed be quite a feat.

I believe there is a distinction between Sion’s choice and euthanasia. For one, the former is a plan on where to die and what to do in the meantime, while the latter is a plan on when to die and how to do it. The decision on how to live your life before you go, versus the decision to put a stop to it the quickest and painless way possible. A subtle, yet significant difference: one plans to make most out of the precious life left, while the other resigns to the thought that there is no hope or purpose left in living.

When a person has worked hard for a good cause, he/she deserves, even entitled I say, to a good reprieve, more so if the road has been a long and difficult one. There is no sin or shame indulging in some recreation or “me time” at the end of the day after reaping a good harvest. The Sion at her final moments was catching up on living – what it meant of being alive so to speak, a fundamental right that was denied to her all her life. Living this freedom is in no way wrong: it holds a major part in self-discovery and soul searching. I do not believe for an instant that a person is born for the sole purpose of tilling the land, and subsequently to be discarded (or in Sion’s case, further exploited) once he/she reaches his/her limit to continue working the plough. By finding oneself before the end of life, one will be able to find peace before passing on to the next. That itself is the greatest fulfilment for the individual.

Coming to the protagonist Ryou who chose to stay behind to accompany Sion, although at the prime of his life. In this one can make a firm argument that he is throwing away his life for a few months of laidback living on earth. On her part, Sion urged – even insisted – Ryou to board the last ship from earth since he had a potentially long and bright future ahead of him, whilst each passing day was potentially Sion’s last. To throw away a promising future for one that is promised to end soon, is it not such a wasted opportunity?

Yet once in a while I find myself thinking of the saints that died at a young age or at the prime of their life. During those times I sometimes think, ‘what a waste’ or ‘such a pity’; yet their deaths are what shaped the world – and the faith as it is today. Then there are those who gave up successful careers, wealth and comfort to pursue that which is close to their heart: helping their home village, conservation of nature, charity, welfare… Pope Francis is a representative for the many out there who carry out similar noble acts behind the scenes. There are also countless others who, throughout the ages gave up a sparkling future for the bitter frost of winter. St Paul left behind his privilege as a Pharisee and a favourable Jewish rapport for a road of suffering and death. St Ambrose forsook his wealthy lifestyle as governor of Milan when he was made to the region’s bishop. St Thomas More was raised to Lord Chancellor by Henry VIII, only to be executed by the same person for the latter’s defiance against the Catholic teaching on marriage and the Pope. Dolores Hart and Olalla Oliveros were once prominent individuals in the entertainment industry before abandoning it all when they joined the sisterhood.

Maybe, if these people chose instead to pursue high flying careers, they would be able to utilize their material resources to financially aid a larger number of less fortunate individuals. Maybe, if those monks and nuns leading secluded and contemplative lifestyles decided on more active social careers, we would be able to see more tangible results and wider media coverage.

Yet the ones who are truly able to reach out and touch the lives of others are not those who donate their money; it is the people who donate their time in sharing their lives with others. Inanimate material possessions, which in itself are void of any feelings could never impress upon a person as much as an individual’s presence from a sincere heart. And in the eyes of God, every life is precious (Luke 12:6-7, 24; 15:1-7). For the Father, it is not ‘choose one over the other’ or ‘weighing one’s worth on a scale and acting on the greater good’ – but rather His Son, His All, for us all. As often this verse is used, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).”

Sion chose to stay behind and experience her long deserved freedom and life on earth, while Ryou chose to stay and spend their days together, short though it may be. In doing so, he gradually regained a fragment of what is meant by living life. Finding oneself and completing the lives those closest to us, even for the sake of a single person, I believe is more worthwhile than attracting the masses but losing yourself. To make the most out of a short life is greater compared to living a long and empty one, which was likely Ryou’s fate had he decided to leave earth and board a ship.  Hence, we return again to Mark 8:36 as mentioned in the beginning.

There are quite a few messages I discovered when taking a moment to prod deeper in my interests. Stories such as Eden*, while fictional address real issues many people similarly go through. Even if such issues does not have any direct bearing in my life, it gives me an opportunity to reflect on my values and strengthen my conviction in what I believe in. The world will be a much brighter place if we just but spare a moment to appreciate the beauty God offers in life.

RFG always.

Priorities Mixed

It has been a while since I wrote anything here. While lack of internet connection is one thing, I am still thinking on how to put into words my next long and dreary entry. Anyway, just a short update related to the post written back on 3/7/2015:

RFG always.

O How Wretched My Bring

So I passed my first major hurdle in my Masters. Should be happy but…

Why hast Thou covered me with grace

When I repaid with a spit in Your face?

Why hast Thou given me Thy blessing

When I pissed it once achieving?

Why, when guilt overran me

Thou chose to forgive freely?

Why, when I cursed my giving into sin

Thou wept and proclaimed me clean?

For this I cursed myself and being

Why didst Thou rebuke my self-deriding?

For this I wallowed in bitterness and grieving

Why remove them bringing again grace and blessing?

Progressive Decay

A few months back there was an incident which made it to the headlines. A Malaysian student was arrested in the UK due to a misdeed he committed while studying abroad. The youth was found to possess a massive amount of material related to child pornography, and was subsequently jailed for a period of 5 years.

Many of his country mates back home lauded the outcome, and were none too happy when the Malaysian government considered appealing and giving the youth a second chance once his jail term ended. A great number had in fact voiced their outrage both in and off the internet.

Most of us I am sure would feel the same way. Pornography especially involving a minor is a serious crime. Yet 2000 years ago, even in some parts of the world today, child marriage is still being practiced. But the “modernized” first world countries of this age condemn the act as improper and irrational.

Today we see in those developed nations issues such as LGBT equality and rights to same sex marriage. The US recently legalized this as did Ireland earlier on. In the UK as well this is acknowledged and accepted, along with prostitution in certain parts of the country as long as he/she is of age. This, they claim, is done in the spirit of equality, freedom and non-discrimination.

If that is the case, why discriminate against pedophiles and those with a Lolita complex? Why punish someone who is caught having pictures/videos of children getting it on? Or, better still, why imprison a person possessing pornographic comics/cartoons/ animations of seemingly underaged children, when clearly no child was harmed in the process, such as the Christopher Handley case? The reason that its content will influencing the person’s behaviour is as reliable as the rationale that people playing GTA and COD will end up being killers and terrorists.

Let’s take a bit further. If I were to create fictional animated works that depict gruesome deaths of toddlers and pre-teens and publicly distribute them, what is that to the authorities? If I were to create a game that centers on gruesomely torturing minors, why should I be stopped? Am I not entitled to my freedom of expression?

Please bear in mind: I am not in ANY WAY encouraging such acts.  Rather, through this I would like to point out the state of the world today, and its decaying ethics and moral values which in this age is happening at an alarming rate, especially in the so-called developed nations. “Logically” speaking, those actions are not wrong in any way: no one is harmed in the process, and most of us I assume are able to differentiate between reality and fantasy.

Yet is that all there is to it? If we look deep into our consciousness, we know that such themes of torture and violence are anything but correct. This is simply proven by the fact that, although it is literally and humanly possible, we would not carry out such acts towards our fellow human beings.

Ask ourselves, what does the laws of nature and our conscience tell us? Going back to the first issue on the arrested Malaysian youth in the UK, would you commit such acts to a child? Are you willing to bear the responsibility for the child’s wellbeing due to your actions? Are you able to bear the responsibility, especially should an unexpected/critical event occurs? If you are the child’s parent, how would you feel? Thinking for the child, what will happen to his future? Do you think it is alright for kids to enter into a sexual relationship with each other, or if is an adult-kid pairing, taking into consideration all that was mentioned above together with your conscience?

The rule can be applied for the other issues mentioned. Can two people of the same sex with a sexual relationship complete each other, as a plug and a port? The answer is no, as a complete relationship is open to the possibility of bearing a child, the product of a joyful union between husband and wife. Nature has its way of answering us.

People may criticize me in this matter, calling me narrow-minded, discriminatory, etc. Yet I have met individuals who practice same sex relationship and premarital sex; and while I do not condone their behavior, I respect them as an individual and treat them no different than I treat others. Heck, one of the closest person in my university life is a guy who practice the latter and has no qualms with the former. However because I do not condone that particular behavior of his, I had voiced out against it. Yet this did not ruin our relationship; if anything, it was more like a discourse between friendly individuals. Even the closest friends have contrasting opinions. In fact, he still shares his activities, issues and problems in his life with me. From this I could say that our relationship continues to deepen until today. There is a difference between hating a person and hating an act. As they say, “hate the sin, but love the sinner”.

And talking about narrow-mindedness, should I call those who frown on polygamy, pedophiles, incest, beastially, and those I have previously mentioned in paragraphs 4 and 5 the same as well? Shall I cry narrow-mindedness to people who condemn a father/mother having consensual sex with his pre-teen sons and daughters? Why discriminate if he obtained the consent of his/her spouse and children?

Since the Old Testament to the New, God had continuously warned us against all forms of immorality (Genesis 18:20; Leviticus 18; Mark 7:21-23; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Even for those who are not affected and are firm in our convictions, it is our responsibility to ensure the next generation will uphold the dignity and sanctity that God ordered for the whole human race since the beginning of mankind. I sincerely hope world I live in would be spared and restored from the degradation of the very foundation of the natural order and morals. All ye saints and angels in heaven, pray for us.

RFG always.

Lent Fasting List

Tada! May I present the list of fasting activities I made for myself for Lent. Though it is a bit past Easter, I feel I should publicly post it here for my own motivation (though I doubt many, or even any, would see it). Perhaps a soul may just so happen to pass this by and will be able to get some inspiration of what to fast for the next Lent as well. A prior note: to avoid a 0.01% chance of misconception, this is a fasting list, with less/no emphasis on the prayer and fasting aspects.

Activity name (fasting frequency/detail):

Dota (weekdays x1, 0; weekends x2, weekends x1)

Valkyria Chronicles (1 game weekdays, weekends only, 1 game weekends only)

All other games (no more than 1 game/1 hour, weekends 1 game/1hour)

*****e (nil)

Any manga site other than *******x

*******x (3/day, 2/day, 1/day, nil)

Manga (UQ, Tate, random manga, World Customise, all)

Youtube (random entertainment videos, music)

Random sites

Anime (2 hours)

Random Googling (images, videos, sites)

Steam (Saturday and Sunday, Sunday)

Food (self-cook)

Changing computer regions

Swearing (substitude with less offensive words or not curse at all)

Random gossip/snide remarks on people when I am with acquaintances

Sleeping (by 12.30am, 12am, 11.30pm, 11pm, 10.30pm, 10pm)

Nap (12-1pm, nil)

Prayer before doing anything (games, research)

Daily rosary (4/week – all mysteries, everyday)

End of day reflection

Study (songs/walk, praise songs/walk)

Masturbation

* – sites censored for what I judge to contain questionable items

Pink – failed to accomplish (whether fully or partially)

Green – accomplished

Note:

Activities were accomplished and added gradually and not all in one day

Activities that were accomplished were completely fasted minimum from Holy Monday until Good Friday.

At least one activity must be added per week from the start of Lent. Fasting for said activity(s) will be maintained until Good Friday.

At least one activity to be carried forth I my life: end of day reflection

RFG always. 

The Prick of Prayer

As part of my daily life, I make it a habit to regularly pray throughout the day. As Christians, everything we do ought to be offered up in to the Lord: be it before meals, studies or gaming sessions. In fact, our whole lives are meant to be lifted up in prayer – however, for this post, ‘prayer’ will be taken as the direct action of addressing, talking or invocating something from God.

Although prayer is essential for spiritual growth, often I struggle to do so in certain aspects of my life, particularly before study and games/entertainment activities. Looking at the surface, one may find it quite astonishing how difficult it is for me just to set aside a moment to ask God to bless and watch over me during these two major activities which make up a large portion of my life. While I would not label it so far as to call it loathing, it certainly feels like a drag whenever I am reminded (by the Spirit) to pray.

Do I know the reason for my reluctance at this? Actually, I do – and quite clearly if I may add. But knowing and overcoming it are two different things, no? Put it simply, I enjoy my comfort. And since humans are creatures of comfort, we avoid activities/putting in energy that makes is uncomfortable (as mentioned previously in my post on 23 December 2014. Man, I got to limit referencing this post).

When I pray, I know that God would give me the strength to carry out my prayer – and that is what I am reluctant for. Ironic eh? It is somewhat akin to the feeling one gets when signing a contract. You are bound to it, and you know you will have to accomplish it, like it or not.  The responsibility of keeping to what I vowed to do may not exactly be pleasant though, and can be actually quite a pain.

To put it expressly, prayer of this sort opens my eyes to the cross. The responsibility to give my all in that endeavour and dedicate it to God. The effort I have to put in to overcome that obstacle. And of course, the prospect of going on the journey carrying such a burden is not what I would call pleasant.

So maybe people reading this may have some idea why prayer before studies/work is quite trying for me, but games? In fact, to pray is harder for me before play. The reason is similar. Gaming/recreation is a time of the day in which I look most forward to. While one cannot (probably) question the enthusiasm I have in front of the keyboard, I have the tendency to be enticed by other less noble/questionable activities from too much net and games. But perhaps more prominently, is the responsibility of keeping gaming in moderation and not succumb to the “one more game” syndrome.

While a common and easy thing for Christians to say is to “pray for the strength to overcome the challenges”, I would like to share a method which I find quite effective for me personally, as a reminder for myself, and mayhap a suggestion to anyone who somehow happens to pass by this post.

As Christians may be aware, this is currently the season of Lent (although it is the final week, termed Holy Week). For Catholics, this season marks a time of fasting, almsgiving and charity. Thus, it is a perfect opportunity for us to build ourselves up spiritually by living in simplicity and attuning ourselves to be more receptive towards God.

A few weeks into the Lenten season, instead of having some semi-opaque aim of what to do, I decided to draw up a list of items to fast. Perhaps due to my engineering background, I found having the set of specific and concrete objectives made it more achievable and motivating. From there I gradually worked through the list, beginning from several items and increasing the count at least once per week.

Some may find various issues with this method, asserting that this reduces the spiritual dimension of fasting into a worldly/rational one and such. But for me, the physical and spiritual are interrelated, since both are brought into existence by God. The idea is that since I have been through this before, it will be easier to keep up this practice of prayer and moderation. As they say, the best way to learn/grow is to experience the real thing yourself. And besides, Lent is called a fasting season for a reason. Just as God rested on the seventh day (Genesis 2:2), one does not fast 365 days per year, 24 hours per day.

At the end of the day though, all this depends on one’s sincerity. There is little point if I pray devoid of any thoughts to improve myself. If there is one thing I want to bring back from this endeavour, it is a greater earnestness of depending and surrendering this life to Him who knows and plans what is best for me.

RFG always.

Musings: Sacrifice

Awhile back when I was reading a topic from Life of Christ by the late Fulton Sheen, I came across a passage which made quite an impression on me. In that particular subtopic, the author focused on the purpose of Christ’s coming – that is, to suffer, die and rise again.

Any Christian would agree that is the essence of Jesus' mission. Religious artists occasionally base their pieces on one or more of its elements. One of Hillsong’s older works For All You’ve Done included all the three elements: You lived, You died, You rose again on high.

No one likes to talk about suffering. I mentioned before in a post that humans are creatures of comfort. As the Fulton Sheen put it, we welcome the glorified, but shun the suffering Christ. Additionally, people tend to avoid the subject of sacrifice, since real sincere sacrifice entails suffering on its part.

Still, there is no dispute that we all have to have sacrifice in our lives. One would have to give up something in order to gain another. An employee sacrifices his/her time for money. Students grind their notes and exercises wee hours into the night in hopes of getting good results. Rather, the question is the matter of which we would sacrifice.

Which brings me to the point of my rumination. Christ made it clear that “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). At this point in time however, I am aware of the sacrifice and cross bearing I am going through for His sake – which is to say, practically nil. Could be the mark of how blessed I am. Or that my daily prayers “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil” are answered. However, it does not remove this uneasiness I feel.

None of the saints I have come across have not felt the pinch of sacrifice and suffering. Moses, David, Elijah, Peter, John, Paul, Therese, Mother Teresa, John Paul II…and here I am, all comfy with my life at university in front of a computer and countless other conveniences, unless you count losing at games and the postponement of my Masters application. Does not sound remarkably profound if you ask me.

Is it not disquieting? Christ is the only doorway to salvation. We cannot follow Him unless we are willing to sacrifice and take up our cross. Put it another way, unless we are willing to sacrifice for His sake, we will not be able to enter His Kingdom. Where does that leave us then? Catholics might suggest Purgatory. But even so, it is written:

“Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble – each man’s work will become manifest; for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed through fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work which any man has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.” 

(1 Corinthians 3:12-15)

Mark the words, “If any man’s work.” But if we have not even started on the cross, what work did we do? It will neither be gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay or stubble – it will be nothing. Nothing will be burned up, and we will not suffer loss, for we ourselves are lost. Is it not then more likely then, to assume that those who did not sacrifice and take up their cross are destined down the road of Hell?

Perhaps it is really time for me to take some time to ponder earnestly on what my cross is to be, and the strength to confront it when it is revealed to me – especially since this is the season of Lent.

RFG always.