Missal Musings

There are times when daily readings seem to be compatible with our current circumstances. There are also times when the readings seemingly do not connect with us. Then there are times where the readings are neither of the two, but seem to invoke disagreement. That was what happened to me on 8 February 2016, on the night of Chinese New Year. Note the readings were taken from universalis.com (http://www.universalis.com/20160208/mass.htm, though the link is already dead; it was Monday, the fifth week in Ordinary Time).

The first reading was taken from 1 Kings 8:1-7, 9-13. I will omit most of it for brevity’s sake, but would like to highlight the verse that rubbed me the wrong way: “I have built thee an exalted house, a place for thee to dwell forever.”(1 Kings 8:13).

The subsequent Psalm seem to further press this point. Taken from Psalm 131:6-10, paired with its antiphon “Go up, Lord, to the place of your rest!” gave the image of the house of God being confined to a physical place. Since when, was my immediate thought, has God and His Presence been, or to be, confined by man?

The Gospel that day was taken from Mark 6:53-56. Quoting directly from website, “No sooner had they stepped out of the boat than people recognised him, and started hurrying all through the countryside and brought the sick on stretchers to wherever they heard he was.” My immediate thought was: Is Our Lord merely a miracle worker that we go running to Him every time we want a favour, and disappear as soon as we obtain what we want? Did they (and by extension, believers today) not intend to build a close personal relationship with God?

To sum it up, I had issues with all 3 readings, something that has never happened to me before.

When I pondered upon it rationally, the first reading I could explain it away by referring to the culture of the Jews at that time, and being God’s chosen people He dwelled specifically in their midst (in the Ark of the Covenant). In addition, the Jews needed affirmation that God was (especially) there with them.

As for the Gospel, that was how I myself somewhat started off: in need of healing, I came and surrendered to the Lord and His grace and mercy.

Yet with all those in mind, they still did not fill me with conviction and left me wanting for a more satisfactory explanation.

Was it something to do with our heart? Perhaps in the first reading the message is that God looks at the state of one’s heart? Why was I not inspired by God’s abundant grace and mercy in those passages?

I found my answers in the following day’s reading: 1 Kings 8:22-23,27-30; Psalm 83:3-5,10-11 (with the response “How lovely is your dwelling-place, Lord, God of hosts.”); Mark 7:1-13. Another reminder that I should always read and consider a passage or an event in its entirety.

Continuing from where it left off, Solomon clearly put it in the first reading, “The heavens and their own heavens cannot contain you. How much less this house that I have built!” This verse suggests the house was not built for the sake as God’s physical residence; rather it served a reminder to his people, to look towards God at all times, to look to him in all sincerity, and that He is always near us. Such allusion can be found further back in the first book of Scripture: the Spirit of God wanders throughout the universe, yet He stopped to take pleasure in Abel’s offerings. Just as Abel offered the firstborn of his flock, in the same way the Temple which Solomon built was meticulously made, with the finest materials and craftsmen, and dedicated with offerings and sacrifices. Thus it was a symbol to the Israelites to dedicate themselves wholly to the Lord.

As Solomon continued his prayer in the reading, the Temple was not a device contain God, but as a house dedicated to God, his prayer was rather that God may pay special attention to it, just as He had for Abel’s offering, to watch over His chosen people. Years later Jesus would say, “For where two or three are gathered in My Name, there am I in the midst of them (Matthew 18:20).”

As for the Psalm, rather than the literal “Go up, Lord, to the place of your rest!” of the previous day, since God’s special attention is present there, it is rather for our sake, for us to dwell in his lovely presence. Similarly in this age as we have Adoration in Churches today before the Blessed Sacrament, before the Real Presence nonetheless.

Comparing the Gospel readings of the two days, on one hand you have the people coming to Him for healing; on the other people who come to Him to find some fault. God would rather us come as the former, for they at least have faith in Him (else He could perform no miracle – Mark 6:5-6), while the latter continue to doubt till their deathbeds. At the very least those that come to rely on Him, the seed which received the waters of grace may have opportunity to grow. After all, the hungry are more receptive if you feed them before preaching. Humans tend to seek fulfilment of their immediate needs before moving on to other matters.

Though the Gospel explanation did not fully satisfy me; then again, perhaps the whole exercise is a reminder to myself, that the house I built for God is not to be made by human hands that would one day collapse but in my heart, a heart always sincere for Him. That I came to Him in need of healing, and being made well to nourish this relationship I have with Him, taking it to a more personal level each day, instead of some dry daily habit.

As I review back what I have written, my initial reasoning and subsequent explanation from the following day’s reading are not so different – or rather, very similar to each other, perhaps just differently phrased and expounded. Yet somehow, the latter seemed more convincing to me than my initial reasoning. I guess it goes to show that an answer, once personalised is far more impactful than a straight and “precise” one.

RFG always.

Persist in Prayer

There are numerous occasions in my life when I do not have the mood to pray, for some reason or another. Sleep spells that occasionally show up during my prayer/contemplation hour, or coming back from a long day are some instances which put a damper on me from communicating with God.

A recent case point was my plan to attend Saturday evening Mass suddenly cancelled without a word. After walking a distance from my house to the meeting point and waiting for approximately 40 minutes, I concluded it highly unlikely that transport would show up, and thus made my way back to my room. I generally spend at least an hour a day for prayer and contemplation on days when I do not attend Mass; however, at that moment in time I briefly considered skipping this round.

Under those circumstances, I keep telling myself to pray even if I do not have the motivation to do so. The anger and irritation I feel, especially if the plans made were related to my spiritual nourishment, makes it all the more tempting to rebel with thoughts such as, “Since God is stopping me from praying, I’m not going to bother then.”

That is exactly what the devil is after. He wants us to turn our backs to God, to walk away in defiance and self-righteousness. The alluring exterior of the fruit screams “Be independent and carve your own path”; the rotten innards whisper “And welcome to the pit of hell.”

In the same way the serpent seduced Eve to cut her relationship and dependence on God, so does Satan intend to manipulate us, sometimes ever so subtly, to slowly chip away our relationship with Him. There is a saying in the internet that goes:

When you carry a Bible, the devil gets a headache.

When you open it, he collapses.

When he see's you reading it, he faints.

When he see's you're living it, he flees.

For me, those words are but a gullible midsummer’s dream. More likely:

When you carry a Bible, the devil brings noise.

When you open it, he places shades on top.

When he see's you reading it, he whispers twisted words.

When he see's you're living it, he calls for backup.

How many of us have the Bible in our phones, or internet connections where Scripture is merely a link away, but hardly ever pause to utilize it?

How many times have we opened our Bibles, with the intention to skim through a random passage so that we can quickly attend to other matters?

How many Churches were split due to different beliefs and doctrines, from supporting homosexuality right down to denying Jesus is God?

How many times have we experienced ourselves resolving to live a more spiritual life, only to start cursing when crap happens right after?

It is especially during these trials that we are to persevere in our spiritual devotion. It is easy to enthusiastically sing praise under the ideal setting of good music, rousing speeches, a comfortable environment, surrounded by wonderful people. The reality is that hiccups and bird droppings are common occurrences in our everyday life, in some instances more than usual. Saint Teresa of Avila on one unfortunate day was thought to have said to Jesus, “If this is the way you treat your friends, it’s no wonder you have so few!”

Our Lord had warned of those who formed their hearts on rocky ground or on thorns: that the seed that springs forth would wither in the mildest scorch, or stunted without ever coming to bear fruit. Much harder it is to fill our hearts with good soil, to clear the debris and remove the weeds before planting. But just as well-graded fertilizers yield bountiful crop, the reward of eternal life will surely await those who persevere in faith and prayer.

RFG always.

From Void to Legacy

Starcraft 2: Legacy of the Void (LotV) had just been recently released, and as a gamer, I cannot wait to get my hands on it (though that would only be in late December earliest T_T). So in conjunction to this (and also since I had just finished my conference presentation), I felt inclined to relate the game in this write-up. For anyone reading this who are unfamiliar, Starcraft is a sci-fi real time strategy (RTS) game franchise by Blizzard Entertainment, first released back in the mid 90s.

My start-off point will be recent LotV trailer (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_XwzBMTJaM). The Protoss, who had lost their homeworld Aiur to the Zerg have returned to reclaim their homeworld. Three Zealots, two High Templars and one floating robotic Probe were pitted against numerous Zerg as the Protoss attempted to hold their perimeter.

The 5 Protoss warriors took the spotlight as they fought to hold off the Zerg, long enough for the Probe to warp in a Pylon that would bring in reinforcements. Here is something worth noting. The Probe, weakest among the six was the core of the Protoss’ plan. With almost zero battle potential, it could do little to contribute directly on the frontlines. In the game, the Probe is at the foot of the Protoss hierarchy, the first unit a player can build, the cheapest and perhaps the fastest to bring into play.

Yet even as it is the first unit to be acquired, it is generally the last to be disposed. The Probe is an indispensable worker for its ability to gather resources and warp in structures. Destroying the opponent’s workers while safeguarding their own, rather than engaging head on in a large scale battle is a common strategy especially among professional players.

The Probe warping in a Pylon.

The above description is a gamer’s equivalent to Matthew 23:11 as well as Luke 9:48, “He who is greatest among you shall be your servant,”; “He who is least among you is the one who is great.” Going back to the trailer, the Probe can be easily wiped out by any one from the Zerg forces; yet it also has the potential to bring forth an army a hundred times larger than the initial small Protoss force, as seen near the end of the trailer.

Another interesting observation from the trailer is that, excluding the Probe, the screen time for the Protoss units decreases the stronger they are: from the Zealot, High Templar and finally the Archon. Heck, the Probe was in the trailer slightly longer than the Archon. 

“Power overwhelming.” Protoss Archon

It seems that the parable seeds in Luke 14:7-14 and Matthew 20:1-16 somehow found its roots here. “So the last shall be first, and the first last.”

The seeds can be traced further in Starcraft lore. In the past, the Judicator caste used to stand at the top of the Protoss hierarchy, yet their actions led to civil war and the fall of Aiur to the Zerg. The Judicator caste was subsequently abolished, and the Protoss is now (at least up to the Starcraft 2’s 2^nd expansion Heart of the Swarm) led by the young (by Protoss standards) Hierarch Artanis. Here one can make a comparison to this developments with Timothy 4:12, “Let no one despise your youth, but set the believers an example in speech and conduct…”

In the first installment of the Starcraft 2 trilogy, Wings of Liberty, the main character is decked as the first basic battle unit a player can build, albeit buffed up and with a few perks (for those who played the game, I am referring of course to Jim Raynor). Again, Luke 9:48 shines forth. Although the commander of his founding army, he himself does not run around using the most advanced weaponry nor does he (directly) wield the heaviest firepower. His most powerful siege unit was handed to his old partner, and even his flagship was mainly left to his lieutenant as he led his forces in the frontlines.

“Now that’s the commander I’ve been waiting on.” Kachinsky on Jim Raynor

I find it inspiring that a world famous game could be seen in so much light of the Word of God. Sometimes I think that the little bits we notice in our circle such as these allow us to connect with the people with the same interest, and at the same time present an opportunity for sharing our faith in ways conventional preaching will not be able to do. If we have a sincere heart for God and His Kingdom, our faith will permeate into every aspect of our lives: be it work or play. After all, God is the author of all creation, and all our works are but images of His masterpiece.

RFG always.

The Dawn on Sunset

I have been into Japanese visual novels (VNs) for quite a while now, years before they began emerging on Steam. One title I quite enjoyed was Eden*, released early this year on the mainly gaming internet store. It follows the story of a former elite soldier Ryou and his encounter with a genius researcher called Sion, and explores the relationship between the two characters. (Note: Spoiler alert to anyone reading this).

As the setting goes, mankind faced a crisis following the revelation that the world was about to be destroyed. To escape their fate, humanity undertook a major project, constructing giant spaceships to migrate the entire population into space, dubbed the Earth Evacuation Project. To that end, beings known as Felixes were created. Felixes were fundamentally humans, but genetically engineered to possess long life and exceptional intelligence. Due to their vital role in realising humanity’s dreams to escape earth and hence their doom, Felixes are highly regarded but literally confined to their respective tasks 24/7, like a bird in a gilded cage. It is in this setting that the protragonist was introduced and assigned to guard the primary research facility of the Felixes, specifically the ace of Felixes Sion. A series of events led to the two escaping from the research facility during the final stages of the project, just before the last ships were to be launched into space, to live a backcountry life on earth. The first half of the VN focused on Ryou’s time in the research facility, while the latter portion centered on his relationship with Sion after their escape.

Throughout the story, one theme which caught my attention was Sion’s outlook on her death. As a Felix, from her moment of birth until death she was destined to be locked in her research by her human overseers, never allowed to leave her work to experience the outside world. Even when the flame of her life was to reach its end, the government planned to dissect every part of her body for examination, in order to manufacture new geniuses as her.

While Sion was satisfied of and did not regret the work she accomplished for the sake of humanity, as all beings are deep down, she yearned to experience what life has to offer beyond her research, as well as to be given the freedom to pass from it with dignity. During the scene when she expressed those thoughts, Mark 8:36 immediately floated to mind:

“For what does it profit a man, to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?”

Sion who stood at the forefront of the Earth Evacuation Project was regarded by many as the savior of the human race. However, the person herself was literally caged by their feelings, denying her dreams to walk beyond the confines of the research facility. Unrelated as it may seem, the verse and scenario had me somehow contemplating on the Catholic moral question of Sion and Ryous’s deliberate decision to remain on Earth and die.

When I first mulled over this, I felt it uncannily similar to the issue of euthanasia. To dictate your death, and then to walk to that end at your own volition. No matter how hopeless or definite the case may seem, taking one’s own life or the life of others is a grave sin, since God is the only one who has the right to decide the appropriate time to take back a person. Those who choose to plunge down the path of euthanasia basically hold that God has no power over life and death. In addition, suffering is an essential mark of Christianity, a road that all must traverse and endure as part of our pilgrimage here on earth.

For Sion, death was several paces from her doorstep, but Ryou, who accompanied her and subsequently decided to stay by her side, was still fit and keen with many years ahead of him; his decision to stay behind was directly the result from Sion’s will that she remain on earth. Thus for Ryou, is it not the same as throwing away your life for the sake of that one brief moment?

Taking the two issues separately and addressing the first case: should Sion have boarded the ship and continue contributing to society, while shifting her sights to search for her peace and contentment in space instead? After all, as they say, “home is where the heart is.” The verse that went through my mind was a verse I often find on Christian tombstones:

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge will award me on that Day…”

(2 Timothy 4:7-8)

As previously mentioned, Felixes were kept on a tight leash, and were not allowed to participate in anything beyond the work they were assigned to. Humanly speaking, how many would be able to endure a lifetime working every and all day without personal time for oneself? To be monitored constantly around the clock seems to me no different than living in a concentration camp. If they kept pushing Sion at the final stages of her life on earth, it is almost certain they will not relent even in space. Settling down under such circumstances would indeed be quite a feat.

I believe there is a distinction between Sion’s choice and euthanasia. For one, the former is a plan on where to die and what to do in the meantime, while the latter is a plan on when to die and how to do it. The decision on how to live your life before you go, versus the decision to put a stop to it the quickest and painless way possible. A subtle, yet significant difference: one plans to make most out of the precious life left, while the other resigns to the thought that there is no hope or purpose left in living.

When a person has worked hard for a good cause, he/she deserves, even entitled I say, to a good reprieve, more so if the road has been a long and difficult one. There is no sin or shame indulging in some recreation or “me time” at the end of the day after reaping a good harvest. The Sion at her final moments was catching up on living – what it meant of being alive so to speak, a fundamental right that was denied to her all her life. Living this freedom is in no way wrong: it holds a major part in self-discovery and soul searching. I do not believe for an instant that a person is born for the sole purpose of tilling the land, and subsequently to be discarded (or in Sion’s case, further exploited) once he/she reaches his/her limit to continue working the plough. By finding oneself before the end of life, one will be able to find peace before passing on to the next. That itself is the greatest fulfilment for the individual.

Coming to the protagonist Ryou who chose to stay behind to accompany Sion, although at the prime of his life. In this one can make a firm argument that he is throwing away his life for a few months of laidback living on earth. On her part, Sion urged – even insisted – Ryou to board the last ship from earth since he had a potentially long and bright future ahead of him, whilst each passing day was potentially Sion’s last. To throw away a promising future for one that is promised to end soon, is it not such a wasted opportunity?

Yet once in a while I find myself thinking of the saints that died at a young age or at the prime of their life. During those times I sometimes think, ‘what a waste’ or ‘such a pity’; yet their deaths are what shaped the world – and the faith as it is today. Then there are those who gave up successful careers, wealth and comfort to pursue that which is close to their heart: helping their home village, conservation of nature, charity, welfare… Pope Francis is a representative for the many out there who carry out similar noble acts behind the scenes. There are also countless others who, throughout the ages gave up a sparkling future for the bitter frost of winter. St Paul left behind his privilege as a Pharisee and a favourable Jewish rapport for a road of suffering and death. St Ambrose forsook his wealthy lifestyle as governor of Milan when he was made to the region’s bishop. St Thomas More was raised to Lord Chancellor by Henry VIII, only to be executed by the same person for the latter’s defiance against the Catholic teaching on marriage and the Pope. Dolores Hart and Olalla Oliveros were once prominent individuals in the entertainment industry before abandoning it all when they joined the sisterhood.

Maybe, if these people chose instead to pursue high flying careers, they would be able to utilize their material resources to financially aid a larger number of less fortunate individuals. Maybe, if those monks and nuns leading secluded and contemplative lifestyles decided on more active social careers, we would be able to see more tangible results and wider media coverage.

Yet the ones who are truly able to reach out and touch the lives of others are not those who donate their money; it is the people who donate their time in sharing their lives with others. Inanimate material possessions, which in itself are void of any feelings could never impress upon a person as much as an individual’s presence from a sincere heart. And in the eyes of God, every life is precious (Luke 12:6-7, 24; 15:1-7). For the Father, it is not ‘choose one over the other’ or ‘weighing one’s worth on a scale and acting on the greater good’ – but rather His Son, His All, for us all. As often this verse is used, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).”

Sion chose to stay behind and experience her long deserved freedom and life on earth, while Ryou chose to stay and spend their days together, short though it may be. In doing so, he gradually regained a fragment of what is meant by living life. Finding oneself and completing the lives those closest to us, even for the sake of a single person, I believe is more worthwhile than attracting the masses but losing yourself. To make the most out of a short life is greater compared to living a long and empty one, which was likely Ryou’s fate had he decided to leave earth and board a ship.  Hence, we return again to Mark 8:36 as mentioned in the beginning.

There are quite a few messages I discovered when taking a moment to prod deeper in my interests. Stories such as Eden*, while fictional address real issues many people similarly go through. Even if such issues does not have any direct bearing in my life, it gives me an opportunity to reflect on my values and strengthen my conviction in what I believe in. The world will be a much brighter place if we just but spare a moment to appreciate the beauty God offers in life.

RFG always.

Priorities Mixed

It has been a while since I wrote anything here. While lack of internet connection is one thing, I am still thinking on how to put into words my next long and dreary entry. Anyway, just a short update related to the post written back on 3/7/2015:

RFG always.

O How Wretched My Bring

So I passed my first major hurdle in my Masters. Should be happy but…

Why hast Thou covered me with grace

When I repaid with a spit in Your face?

Why hast Thou given me Thy blessing

When I pissed it once achieving?

Why, when guilt overran me

Thou chose to forgive freely?

Why, when I cursed my giving into sin

Thou wept and proclaimed me clean?

For this I cursed myself and being

Why didst Thou rebuke my self-deriding?

For this I wallowed in bitterness and grieving

Why remove them bringing again grace and blessing?

Progressive Decay

A few months back there was an incident which made it to the headlines. A Malaysian student was arrested in the UK due to a misdeed he committed while studying abroad. The youth was found to possess a massive amount of material related to child pornography, and was subsequently jailed for a period of 5 years.

Many of his country mates back home lauded the outcome, and were none too happy when the Malaysian government considered appealing and giving the youth a second chance once his jail term ended. A great number had in fact voiced their outrage both in and off the internet.

Most of us I am sure would feel the same way. Pornography especially involving a minor is a serious crime. Yet 2000 years ago, even in some parts of the world today, child marriage is still being practiced. But the “modernized” first world countries of this age condemn the act as improper and irrational.

Today we see in those developed nations issues such as LGBT equality and rights to same sex marriage. The US recently legalized this as did Ireland earlier on. In the UK as well this is acknowledged and accepted, along with prostitution in certain parts of the country as long as he/she is of age. This, they claim, is done in the spirit of equality, freedom and non-discrimination.

If that is the case, why discriminate against pedophiles and those with a Lolita complex? Why punish someone who is caught having pictures/videos of children getting it on? Or, better still, why imprison a person possessing pornographic comics/cartoons/ animations of seemingly underaged children, when clearly no child was harmed in the process, such as the Christopher Handley case? The reason that its content will influencing the person’s behaviour is as reliable as the rationale that people playing GTA and COD will end up being killers and terrorists.

Let’s take a bit further. If I were to create fictional animated works that depict gruesome deaths of toddlers and pre-teens and publicly distribute them, what is that to the authorities? If I were to create a game that centers on gruesomely torturing minors, why should I be stopped? Am I not entitled to my freedom of expression?

Please bear in mind: I am not in ANY WAY encouraging such acts.  Rather, through this I would like to point out the state of the world today, and its decaying ethics and moral values which in this age is happening at an alarming rate, especially in the so-called developed nations. “Logically” speaking, those actions are not wrong in any way: no one is harmed in the process, and most of us I assume are able to differentiate between reality and fantasy.

Yet is that all there is to it? If we look deep into our consciousness, we know that such themes of torture and violence are anything but correct. This is simply proven by the fact that, although it is literally and humanly possible, we would not carry out such acts towards our fellow human beings.

Ask ourselves, what does the laws of nature and our conscience tell us? Going back to the first issue on the arrested Malaysian youth in the UK, would you commit such acts to a child? Are you willing to bear the responsibility for the child’s wellbeing due to your actions? Are you able to bear the responsibility, especially should an unexpected/critical event occurs? If you are the child’s parent, how would you feel? Thinking for the child, what will happen to his future? Do you think it is alright for kids to enter into a sexual relationship with each other, or if is an adult-kid pairing, taking into consideration all that was mentioned above together with your conscience?

The rule can be applied for the other issues mentioned. Can two people of the same sex with a sexual relationship complete each other, as a plug and a port? The answer is no, as a complete relationship is open to the possibility of bearing a child, the product of a joyful union between husband and wife. Nature has its way of answering us.

People may criticize me in this matter, calling me narrow-minded, discriminatory, etc. Yet I have met individuals who practice same sex relationship and premarital sex; and while I do not condone their behavior, I respect them as an individual and treat them no different than I treat others. Heck, one of the closest person in my university life is a guy who practice the latter and has no qualms with the former. However because I do not condone that particular behavior of his, I had voiced out against it. Yet this did not ruin our relationship; if anything, it was more like a discourse between friendly individuals. Even the closest friends have contrasting opinions. In fact, he still shares his activities, issues and problems in his life with me. From this I could say that our relationship continues to deepen until today. There is a difference between hating a person and hating an act. As they say, “hate the sin, but love the sinner”.

And talking about narrow-mindedness, should I call those who frown on polygamy, pedophiles, incest, beastially, and those I have previously mentioned in paragraphs 4 and 5 the same as well? Shall I cry narrow-mindedness to people who condemn a father/mother having consensual sex with his pre-teen sons and daughters? Why discriminate if he obtained the consent of his/her spouse and children?

Since the Old Testament to the New, God had continuously warned us against all forms of immorality (Genesis 18:20; Leviticus 18; Mark 7:21-23; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Even for those who are not affected and are firm in our convictions, it is our responsibility to ensure the next generation will uphold the dignity and sanctity that God ordered for the whole human race since the beginning of mankind. I sincerely hope world I live in would be spared and restored from the degradation of the very foundation of the natural order and morals. All ye saints and angels in heaven, pray for us.

RFG always.