Blessed Christmas!

To children, Christmas is about receiving presents,

To parents, Christmas is about buying presents,

To the world, Christmas is all about the presents,

To Christians,Christmas is not all about presents,

I say, Christmas is all about THE PRESENT.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. (Luke 2:10-11)

If the gift of Christ was not given, there would not be a point in Christmas.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

This statement would not be true.

…you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:38)

This event would never have happened.

All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God's anger, just like everyone else. (Ephesians 2:3)

This would remain a fact.

Thus I will rejoice, knowing that I had already been given the perfect gift that has been planned for me since 2000 years ago on the day of Christmas!

LnL '09

On the 10^th till the 16^th December, I went for a camp called Love and Life. It was held in Kuala Lumpur at the Archdiocesan Pastoral Centre (APC), and was a made up of Catholics in Malaysia, although it is also opened to others.

It all started around my exam period when my current youth minister, Martin called me up to ask if I was interested in it. I thought and pondered (if those from the camp are viewing this, they would get it XD), and finally decided to go, since I would have finished my exams then, and the camp was fully sponsored (I am currently short on cash, and have to save up for my engineering project due the following semester).

Around 11 at night, just before the day I was about to leave for the camp, I received a call from aunt Rosey, saying that I would not have transport to get there (Martin assured me he would take care of this) and that I would have to get there myself via bus or train (I cannot yet drive). Thing is, I have hardly ever been to KL (heck, I hardly been ever out of my town), and I do not want to trouble my family in this matter. I was the only one representing my church; I knew no one who was in for the camp, plus and I am usually a loner. Not to mention, I was packed up for a 7 day trip, together with my guitar. To top it off, one of my guitar strings snapped on that night itself. I was like…

Die die-lah.

So around 6.30am I got up, got ready and left the house around 8 in the morning. Took me about an hour of walking from home to the train station. Asked for the station closest to Pudu Raya (and thus, APC) and got me a ticket. Took the train, travelled, arrived at some unknown place I (at that time) do not think I have ever been before. I was lost for a while, and realised I was supposed to take the train to Stesen Kuala Lumpur, not KL Central (which was one stop before Stesen KL). I was like…

Die die-lah.

And so, I bought another ticket to take me to my destination. Entered an old train I have never used before and took off. When the train stopped at Stesen KL, I expected the door to open, but it did not. Only later I found out that you have to open the door yourself -.-. So I got down on the next stop, boarded another train back to Stesen KL. At least I did not have to pay another ticket as I did not leave the compound.

I was more familiar with the surroundings around Stesen KL as I had been there a couple of times. Nevertheless, I had not come APC through that route before (I have also been there a couple of times). So I wondered around in KL with a huge bag and a guitar cover containing a guitar and umbrella. The sun was up, it was hot, and I was lost. I was like…

Die die-lah.

After a while, I happened to chance upon the cheapest guitar shop I know (it was first introduced by my former youth minister a few years back). From there, I managed to get my string fixed, bought extra strings and also a capo. I was then guided to Tung Shin hospital, which was just opposite APC centre. See how God works in mysterious ways =).

After, walking a bit more, getting lost and being directed one more time, I FINALLY REACHED THE CENTRE…3+ hours early (it was supposed to begin at 3.00pm). At least there I could deposit my bag and guitar under the eyes of the facilitators before going back out for lunch.

Went to McDonalds for lunch and after that, a fish spa before returning there around 1.00pm. It was like another 2 hours before the camp would officially begin. So I practically lay down for about another hour before people before the second earliest participants came – Justin, Joel and Gary.

Slowly other participants started filling in, and I got to know more people from other churches. And the moment the participants have all been waiting for. 3 o’ clock came, and…we were informed that the event would begin around 6 or later. I was like…

Die die-lah.

Nevertheless, it was quite fun being together and bonding with the other participants. At the boys table, we had a sort of rite before you can enter the group. One of them required you to remember their names. Thus, I do not think I will forget Justin, Joel Beh, Gary, Harry, Joel Ryan, Edmund, Christopher and Lazares (and no, it is not mispelled) so soon.

Second, each was required to do a dare, whatever that was asked of them. If I am not mistaken, 2 received a cake soaked in milo or coffee, mashed up, and was to eat it while the rest talked about faeces, defecation, vomit and what not XD. The other dares involve the girl’s (and later the nun’s) table – stuff like circling the table and offering them food, sitting with them and standing on a chair proclaiming “I am the king of the world!” XD. Mine was singing Merry Christmas between the girls’ and the nun’s table and I am proud to say I did it – with a touch of metal vocals at the ending XD.

Finally in the evening, the camp began with the celebration of mass (which was celebrated throughout the 7 days of our stay there). After diner, we had a sort of icebreaker as well as being allotted to a group, which required us to come up with a cheer and a banner. Wait, or was that the second day? Oh well.

On the more serious note, were the rules and regulations during the camp. Certain ones like ‘no smoking’ were a no problem to me. However, I was slightly taken aback when they announced that no handphones as well as watches, clocks, and electronic gadgets (besides the camera) were allowed, and that they will be storing them away and sealing them in a box. Aside for wanting to keep the spot on my left hand as fair as possible, I did not mine surrendering my watch. The same would have been with my handphone had I not been awaiting a call/SMS from my driving academy pertaining the release of my L license. This was a more than a little predicament for me, as I only recall having given the academy my number and no one else. I was really worried about what would happen should they call repeatedly, each time having no response. I was like…

Die die-lah.

The first few days of the camp were not really an enjoyable one for me. For one, every night before bed, I would develop flu as I was allergic to the blankets provided for the boy’s dormitory. The sessions, while not bad, the topics were not anything out of ordinary to me. I guess the main reason was because I had closed my mind towards the camp – feeling that there was nothing from the sessions I can bring back (see what too much theology and knowledge can do to you), and also feeling slightly left out. Oh, did I mention the toilets rapidly grew dirty, the first bedtime was very cold, and the second one was unexpectedly hot and stuffy? I was like…

Die die-lah.

As days went by however, I came to enjoy the camp and its sessions. As I had mentioned, the topics for the sessions were not one I had never come across before, but the way they were executed were unique. Sure, many have gone through the topic of boy-girl relationship (for some many, many times), but how many actually went a step further by asking participants of the opposite sex some very intimate and personal questions about their sexuality? I do not think many BGR sessions would encourage, or even allow questions such as ‘how do girls/guys masturbate, in detail?’.

During the camp, I was also able to have some quiet and solemn time to focus on God. I guess the prayer and meditation sessions were one of the more meaningful parts for me. I can practically see the difference between those times when compared to Sunday masses and my Bible studies at home. It did not matter that I had not my guitar for the most part, nor completed my daily Bible readings – I was focused on God, something I had not been able to do in awhile.

Oh, and do not get me wrong. The camp was for the majority part, noisy and quite eventful. Not up in time? THE BEAR WENT OVER THE MOUNTAAAAIIIINNNN!!!! Manicuring a guy while he is sleeping? Check. Our very own guys cheer? *ahem* Check. Cannon addition in front at the bottom pun ada XD.

There were also other events that occurred which I will not quite forget in awhile. Once when there was unexpectedly no water after games, I together with three dudes Edward, Lawrence and Oswald “booked” cubicles early in case the water suddenly returned. In order to pass time, we decided to pray an ended up completing a rosary; all its 5 decades (could not remember the day’s mystery, so we just called it, say, ‘the forth Mystery’), from ‘In the name of the Father…’ to ‘O God, whose only begotten Son…’ XD. It was a fun time bonding, though the water did not return even after the prayer.

Parting was an emotional one for many, some going as far as crying during the closing speech by some of the participants, and some ‘mogok’ by not wanting back their handphones XD. Most did not leave the room even when all was done, and a few parents waiting outside for them.

All in all, it was worthwhile going for LnL, learning its very own theme song (in addition, some sign language) and hearing some superb testimonies by the participants themselves. My thoughts – go for it if you have the chance.

RFG always.

I Wished Upon a Star

If my dreams were to come true…

I would be living an adventure in this as well as another world, piloting giant robots (was inspired greatly on Xenogears). I will be blessed with superhuman skills and powers, driving a gear that somehow evolves as my powers grow. In fact, I would later discover that I am one of the 3 chosen to maintain the balance of the universe, and to protect it from the one who has fallen out of the chosen.

If my dreams were to come true…

I would be the best freerider, dirtjumper, and trials/street rider. I would be flying down from helicopters, cross-switching bikes in midair, and ground-to-front-flipping up to a raised platform. I would be busy travelling around the world, entering and making videos that are mountain bike based and inspiring people in my footsteps. I will have my own custom designed bicycles, and will in later years be a prestigious bike designer myself.

If my dreams were to come true…

I would be blessed with a sudden genius in science and technology. I would first start in the IT field, developing my own hardware and software. Starting with the first production of a 10Gb RAM, I would then move on to 20Gb, 50Gb and 100Gb, all produced before my end of high school and secured so that it is impossible to take apart and reverse engineer them. Before my thirties I have my own established company, saving up for my very own island, and creating games unmatched hardware and software, and games with beautifully detailed graphics and gameplay. I will be able to instantly think up theories and built devices – such as vehicles that can accelerate 100m/s in one second, while capable of nullifying inertia caused by the acceleration and brake force, and using clean renewable energy as fuels. And finally, I will be able to prove, scientifically and mathematically, that there is a higher force governing the universe, and that is God.

But if my dreams were to come true…

I would have seen and killed many thousands of creatures, and brought sadness as well as despair to many more. I would have remained aggressive and uncouth, going as far as to upset many, including my parents, by the choice that I have to make. I would have to witness the politics of worlds and its corruptions, something that I am still not looking forward to. And I would have been away from my family and home for many months, even years for the sake of duty.

But if my dreams were to come true…

I would be constantly suffering ear problems due flying in high altitudes. Travelling a lot means not being able to meet up with schoolmates and family, and a whole lot of dealing with people, sponsors and potential sponsors. Also, I would continue to remain foul-mouthed, partially fueled by songs portraying vulgar and negative outlooks.

But if my dreams were to come true…

I would be bombarded by the intricate dealings – offers, diplomacies and ties of those who will sort me out. I would be constantly hounded and never left alone. I would be frequently bogged down by the strong retaliations the world would throw against my theories and ideas. With such intelligence, there will be bound to develop a feeling of superiority to a certain degree. And judging by my current temperament, I do not think I will be able to cope with such stress at such a young age.

But most of all, if my dreams were to come true, I would not have known these people whom I met along in this journey of life:

1) Adrian who has guided me in my journey of faith,

2) Terrence whom has added a fun and challenging experience in college life (studies, CF and lepak),

3) Melissa who (unknowingly and indirectly) set me a standard,

4) Randall and his mass = force x gravity (XD),

5) Kenrick with CF and martial arts,

6) WC whom I am able to testify to,

7) Nick and the balls and the bike. Oh, not forgetting the *ahem* with the fishie dustbin XD,

8) Kok Hoe to lepak with,

9) AL whom by dealing with taught me patience and to look at both sides of the coin without prejudice,

10) Martin and his concern for my faith growing,

And many others whom I had not named.

The dreams and fantasies are just as the shift of wind; they come and go with the passing of time. This life I am living though, it is irreplaceable and invaluable – the life that God has planned and crafted His best for me. Which is ultimately, the best.

RFG always.

2 Chronicles 15:7

Remember I stated on the 27^th of July that I intend to buy off some songs in Amazon? Well…

MP3 downloads are only for US customers -_-

I must say that I was disappointed when I saw this and was contemplating: either to continue listening to the few soundtracks off Youtube, or downloading them free through other sites. The latter, I am quite sure, would have open me up to more temptations and weaken my resolve against anti-piracy.

Yup. That was how low I felt that time. I mean, hear I was trying my best to acquire things the right way, and suddenly a barrier appears and blocked me from doing just that. I was like, is this how those who try to live upright rewarded? What happened to Matthew 5:6?

Nevertheless! Much of that feeling passed and I decided to look for a legitimate site to e-buy those songs.

The first few attempts were a no go. The sites displayed bore the texts “free MP3 downloads” and such like. No surprise there, seeing as the majority would rather see “free downloads” that “purchase downloads” when Googling. As for me, thanks – but I think I have done my “fair” share of downloading “free” songs in my earlier days.

And so I continued my uneventful search for a legal MP3 site, and lo! Jesus said in the Bible, “seek and you shall find.” At last, God rewarded me for my patience and effort. After awhile I chanced upon the seemingly legitimate site: http://mp3fountain.com. And yes, I actually went through the legibility of the site at http://mp3fountain.com/terms.

Best of all, once you sign up for it, the site gives a $0.30 starting credit which allows you to download up to 3 songs – and the 2 songs I am desperately looking for are available! Which leaves me with an extra $0.10 for future usage before I start buying off them =). Say whatever you want, but I am truly thankful to God for all these little things in life.

Now I can have my personal praise and worship without the burden of guilt upon me. No longer do I feel uneasy when repeating those songs again and again. When you are truly into worship, the songs which you think have you have grown bored off suddenly fires you up the same as when you initially sang it.

To God in Heaven, be all Glory!

PS: The 2 songs I downloaded were:

• Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape – UnderOath
• Redemption – August Burns Red

RFG always.

Faith is a Marathon

There was a period of time around 2007 I could no longer feel God, as though the fire which ignited in (middle?) 2005 is no more. I am sure many had been through this before however, though I heard these testimonies before, I must say I never expected the feeling to find me then. After all, my hunger for the Word of God was still there and I cannot say that I slacked off in my prayers, or church/CF activities. Oh, and I had my stack of Christian music to keep me hyper XD.

But it happened, and for a very long time it felt as if God had withdrawn His presence away from me. Like as though He was satisfied with my progress and decided to leave me be while He concentrates on other important matters. Of course, that could not be, and will never be so. For God is an active God, and promises, “I will never leave you nor forsake you (Gen. 28:15; Deuteronomy 31:6, 8; Joshua 1:5; Hebrews 13:5)” and “I am with you always until the end of this world” (Matthew 28:20). But at that time this did not cross my mind, and (because of the circumstance) probably would not make much impression anyway if it did.

One day I was heading home with my former youth minister Adrian. When we neared my home I mentioned this to him, about the emptiness I was feeling during the past days. We talked for a while, and he mentioned 3 reasons why I may have been feeling the way I was.

The first was what he called the “after-marriage” effect. When I went to my first camp back in 2005 I remembered being significantly emotional during the inner healing session, letting go of the negative thoughts and feelings inside me (that was when I started to take my faith more seriously). In 2006 (the year of my Confirmation) I went for my second Life in the Spirit Seminar (LSS) camp (the first was in ’05), where I received God’s gift of the Spirit, the gift of tongues.

During those times (especially when I received the gift of tongues) I was very elated and enthusiastic about my faith, and that was when my zeal for the Bible started. As time went on however, this feeling of elation slowly faded away after I left secondary school.

This dipped to one of its lowest peak after returning from World Youth Day Sydney 2008 (a Catholic event specifically for youths celebrated once every few years; it was initiated by the Pope). It personalizes what Adrian said; my mood crested to its peak, then dropped to a low emptiness. I guess one could view it as being similar from coming back from a really fun day to the mediocrity of life. Or maybe another example, when one is bent in achieving a singular goal in life, and when you achieve it, you loss your sense of where to go and what to do. Sounds a bit like puppy love – hot when it started and grows cold with the passing of time.

The second is reason is Satan’s doing. Yes, I know, very original and I am sure we are all quite tired of hearing this. Nevertheless, this is a significant point as Satan is the first and source of all evil. Do I need to expand on this point of him spreading despair, tempting, deceiving, torturing, etc. people?

The last possibility mentioned was God’s work Himself. I do NOT mean Him applying the techniques that the devil uses. Rather He is molding me into someone whose faith is not merely ample but refined. A faith that is not hollow and spongy that breaks when trials come, but firm and sturdy throughout the course of time. Just as Jesus during His 40 day fast in the wilderness (Luke 4:1-2), His agony in the garden (Luke 22:42) and finally, His Passion on the Cross (John 19:17-28) brought Him in complete and perfect union to the Father. For all the trials that come by, the Lord says, “For I have plans for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11)."

In the end, I must learn to realise and embrace the fact that faith is not merely an emotion, a feeling one could use to get high on all the time. Faith is not some “spiritual beer” that is simply consumed at leisure, if you get what I mean. Mother Teresa experienced similar struggles for many years until the end of her life while serving the poor in India.

“Where is my faith? Even deep down ... there is nothing but emptiness and darkness ... If there be God—please forgive me. When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives and hurt my very soul ... How painful is this unknown pain—I have no Faith. Repulsed, empty, no faith, no love, no zeal, ... What do I labour for? If there be no God, there can be no soul. If there be no soul then, Jesus, You also are not true.”

“Jesus has a very special love for you. (But) as for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see,—Listen and do not hear—the tongue moves (in prayer) but does not speak ... I want you to pray for me—that I let Him have (a) free hand.”

-Mother Teresa

Faith is not just a feeling. It is also about endurance.

RFG always.

Someone Whom I Look Up to

Her name is Rachel Joy Scott. She was the first victim to be killed during the Columbine High School massacre in 1999, which claimed the lives of 12 students and a teacher, injuring many others as well.

While her death garnered attention from the media back then, it was her life that had inspired me. She is one of the very few people whom I admire – her struggles, doubts, hopes and dreams is just like any one of us. And yet she did her best in living out her Christian faith, a faith that changed the lives of many.

This was an essay had she written shortly before her death.

Links courtesy:

http://www.racheljoyscott.com/rjslegacysite/lake.jpg

http://www.rachelschallenge.org/images/essay_ethics.gif

RFG always.

Imprisoned by Praise

Almost every night before bed, I would have a private praise and worship session alone in my room. As of late, I sing heavy metal music songs as my (main) medium for worship.

Last night as usual, I was on ‘Redemption’ by August Burns Red, when a voice called out for me to switch it off and close the tab. Just fill those reading this in, I do not own the album for the song; I listen to it through YouTube.

At first, my mind tried to rationalise to the voice. I had wanted this album, ‘Messengers’, for quite awhile back but I could not find it where I am. I have been through the music shops I know, both Christian and mainstream, with no luck. Not that I expected it; metalcore bands are not exactly common, what more a (Christian) one.

Then, the fact that in their MySpace account, they have the song uploaded for all to listen to. That, and coupled with the fact that they did not take measures to shut down those who had uploaded it, as bands like UnderOath and Skillet did.

Even my former youth minister once mentioned that because you have only used a single song, this is not strictly plagiarism. This could even be a way to promote the band and Christian values among our brothers and sisters.

It could have even been the devil at work, whispering to me, telling me not to listen to this. After all, the devil is not above cunning and deceit. At that time, I may have been inclined to think such, since I lost quite a bit of fervour to continue the session.

However, I just could not ignore that insistent voice in my head. So I stopped (or at least reduced) trying to shut it off and began to contemplate on this. Somewhere inside, I had a feeling that God was to sending me a message, but that my mind just did not want to hear it.

A moment later, these thoughts flew through: God’s ways are not my ways (Romans 11:33-34). If I continue to remain and rely too much on my logic and reason, I will never be able to fully comprehend the ways of the Lord (1 Corinthians 2:14).

The frequency in which I listen to ‘Redemption’, my conscience told me that I should purchase the album and then listen to it all I want. It is not that I do not enjoy the rest of their songs; I just do not use/listen to them as they do not have a direct mention of my relationship with God (whenever I sing praise, I prefer to express that special, privileged and intimate relationship I have with Him).

Even as with this newly occurred saying and reasoning in my mind, it could not fend off the rationalising arguments, particularly the second one mentioned. As I sat there still struggling with my thoughts and contemplating, the song kept running, nearing the end. Then, the final line struck me:

“Set me free.”

These words had a huge gravity on me because of the consequences I go through for this song. Because of my principles, I do not download the songs I listen to; I just do not shut my Firefox and leave the tab as it is. This makes eats my laptops RAM as well as making it slower.

More importantly, will I be able to live off a day without the song? I began to realise that I was listening to it more and more because of the music, and less for the praise. A subtle twist in priority, but a drastic turnover from my original purpose. And after the drive and passion for the music began wearing off slightly, I was listening to it more for the sake of listening to it. It is as though I am more mentally bound to song now.

Thus I see now, the voice was not sent by the enemy to steer me away, rather it was my Lord calling me to revamp my priorities. Man, the Satan must have employed some high ranking agent, to be able to come up with this very subtle and cunning bondage.

Thus, to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I thank you for delivering me from my chains, and would once again wish to rededicate myself to the will of the Father.

Good God, if your song leaves our lips
If your work leaves our hands
Then we will be wonders and vagabonds
They will stare and say how empty we are
How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men
Let us be cold, make us weak
Let us, because we all have ears
Let us, because we all have eyes

Good God!
How they knew that this would happen

They knew, they knew that this would
We’re so run down
Good God, can you still get us home

Broken we still came home
How can we still get home
I’m not dreaming
We’re forgetting our forgiveness

Too Bright to See, Too Loud to Hear - by UnderOath

PS: God has indeed shown a way for those who continue to look persistently. I found out they allow you to purchase a single song while I was browsing their MySpace today. =) Now all I need to do is find someone with an Amazon account…

RFG always.