Pride and Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a major theme in the Bible. From the Old right up to the New Testament, Scripture recorded numerous examples of God’s abundant mercy to His people: Israel’s complaints during the Exodus, David’s adultery with Bathsheba, the people of Nineveh and Christ’s Passion on the Cross are just a few sweets in a jar. Throughout the ages, every time the people turn back for forgiveness, God is always there to pardon them from sin.

Today it has become a norm for Christians to ask forgiveness in our prayer. Perhaps it has always been that way since ages past. Either way, it seems so easy for us to ask for forgiveness from God, much like giving a morning greeting to our acquaintances.

Yet why is it so difficult to apologise to people? Why is it that our pride hinders us from uttering a sincere “sorry” even when we are in the wrong? This made me recall to mind Matthew 5:23-24. Something we should all keep in mind in these scenarios.

Should we not ask ourselves: are we truly seeking God’s forgiveness every time we pray, if we cannot bring ourselves to ask forgiveness from those we wronged? Do we hide behind the fact that “God is all-knowing and knows my heart”? Well, those very words seem to ring hollow here. Is it the fact that God is not physically present (in the worldly sense), and thus we are somehow detached in our prayer? Or is our attention when praying occupied elsewhere that it can easily be blown from memory, like dried leaves in an autumn wind?

I feel like I am beginning to grasp bit by bit the other side of Luke 17:4. It is not easy to swallow one’s pride to ask for forgiveness. It is not easy to even look at the person in question in the eye. The drive to such can only come from a person who is either extremely thick-skinned about their actions, or is truly repentant and trying to make amends.

As I reflect upon it, I find it astounding that humans would rather keep their arms crossed than to lower their heads to repair the relationship. So much can be mended, yet often we choose to throw away this opportunity for the sake of “keeping face”. We rather brood for ages and come up with a multitude of justifications than to spend a brief moment for reconciliation. Yes, we will keep our pride alright, and lose our much more valuable dignity.

And what are the causes of breakdown in relationships? More often than not, they are no more than petty issues and minor misunderstandings. An offhand remark which is taken as an insult. A thoughtless action which upsets the recipient. Yes they may be minor, and to us may not seem to warrant a severing of ties. In that case, why allow such a minor problem be blown into a rift? Should it not be easy – or a minor thing, to make an apology?

Not to say the one wronged is always completely in the right. In some cases, he/she should have spoken up against the act instead of giving the offender a cold shoulder, or worse, plotting revenge. It may be the offender in question is not even aware that their actions hurt the said party. Thus just before Luke 17:4, Christ said that “if your brother sins, rebuke him” (Luke 17:3).

Yet the responsibility mainly lies on the offender who should make the effort to consider what had brought it all the way to this situation. One cannot really expect the insulted to tell it directly to us in our faces, just as one cannot expect a rape victim to willingly speak up. It could even be, at times, the person we think has backstabbed us actually came about because of the way we acted. In the event that he/she abruptly turns aloof for a seemingly significant amount of time, perhaps we should take the initiative to ask what we did to offend them directly. Listen without the intent to offer a comeback. Apologise when they point out your faults. Those who enjoyed your company will respect you, and will be willing to thaw should you display your sincerity.

If we can apologise to God for our sins, so should we be able to apologise to those neighbours we have sinned against. And if we can do that, we will be able to offer up a more sincere apology that will make us right with God, just like the tax collector in Luke 18:13. 

RFG always.