Post-Lenten Review

Ever since Lent passed, contrary of its purpose to emerge as a better/stronger person, I have been taking a huge step backwards – physically, morally and even spiritually. It was like as though all the urges held back during the 40 day period came rushing out like a burst dam.

On the first day of Easter, I have been eating non-stop after coming back from Mass – from cendol to kuih to chocolates all the way to dinner and after dinner more junk food all the way until I fell back to bed. This continued the next day, as though my stomach is making up for what it potentially would have taken, although it was far more likely I would not have taken them on ordinary days prior to Lent.

Since then I noticed too I became more self-centered, responding more to situations that suited my purpose while almost to the point of ignoring others whom I deem will not benefit me. Quite a number of times I brushed aside those who are in need of my help – whether they asked or no –, became ruder and curt in answering, and concentrated more on my work solely for my own benefit.

In terms of spiritual growth… it is said that this aspect corresponds accordingly to one’s physical and moral states, and it is no exception this time around. I began to compromise bit by bit on the time set aside for prayer and Scripture reading, and while prayer may not have occurred less often, the quality experienced a drastic drop, as my mind often is preoccupied with idle thoughts and issues which I brought upon myself (eg: sleeping late and praying faster to in compensation).

As of today, the after-effects still can be observed even this far in to the Easter season. There can only be one conclusion: it is seriously time for me to pause and reflect all that happened during the 40 days of Lent which led up to this mess.

Having Faith vs Living Faith (Part 2)

The story of faith is similar to the life of a plant. It begins from the seed, the minute it touches the ground. The seed grows, and quick indeed does it grow. It becomes noticeable in a span of a few days: beginning from the shoot of a young stem and to its first leaf. And as the plant springs forth from the ground, people will stop to look, and it will continue to draw more audience.

Living faith is akin to tending the plant, constantly providing nutrients needed for it to continue to grow. From the outside, one may not notice any significant change as its initial growth spurt. Yet day by day, the roots continue to dig deeper, the soft stem strengthens into a bark, and as time passes, it will eventually bear fruits among its leaves. These fruits are then harvested, each containing the same seed which may one day grow into a same plant.

Having faith causes the seed to grow; living it however, sustains it, as water sustains a plant. In life, people tend to notice the faith I have; they are however, influenced by the way I live my faith. And whether they will admit it or not, many people subconsciously hold in high regard and expectations we who proclaim our faith.

When my previous roommate caught me cursing once during a high stress period, the first comment he made was, “Har, you are a Christian and you curse.” Yet if we were to compare the number of times we swore audibly, I could honestly say it was like a crow accusing a sparrow of eating refuse. It goes to show that even a small misstep may have drastic consequences. Faith is a double edged sword; the moment you slip, the trumpet sounds.

How we live our faith is indeed very crucial. The nourishments we provide it will affect ourselves as well as those around us. It is not enough just to have faith – yes, people will notice when you say it: by the cross hanging from your neck, or the religious items placed in your room. Yet how will it portray us if we swear daily, repeatedly turn in sloppy work, or frequently display violent behavior? Oh yes, people will notice your faith alright, and they will relate all these attributes they see to your faith. The result: Christians = Diss-tians.

Living faith does not have an immediate effect. It cumulates slowly, like laying a building one block at a time. On the surface, people may not detect anything overtly different, yet day by day as you continue to interact, they become drawn to you and the qualities you possess. Like an attractive fruit hanging prominently on the tree, they will stretch out their hand and take it, and when they find it pleasant in taste, they cannot help but come back for more.

There is a person I managed to chance upon in life. Plain, quiet and keeps to himself, you could say he is an average Joe in the classroom; definitely not someone you would spare a second glance on a busy street, yet who tries to live his life consciously on his beliefs and moral values. Whenever this person was brought up, comments I hear are usually favourable, some even of how he is such a joy to be with. And, reserved as he is, when he speaks people listen, when he promises they trust, and when he acts they follow.

When someone picks a fruit, he bases it on two fundamental aspects. The first is the shell covers it. The second is the filling within it. Bear in mind: the shell is what catches the eye but the contents ultimately decide the response.

RFG always.

Having Faith vs Living Faith.

Ever felt like trolling when something unpleasant shows up in life? I am sure many face(d) it when, just after vowing to become a better person, crap bangs the door and immediately all our noble aspirations suddenly flew from our minds.

Crap happens – as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, until the world ends. It is not as though I do not have a share in it. Take this month for example. During Chinese New Year (which fell on a Sunday), I woke up at 5 in the morning, prepared myself for Church and arrived at the bus stop only to end up waiting until 7 for less than peanuts.

I cannot say I did not feel at least slightly irritated, and as I made my way back to my residence, less than admirable thoughts entered my mind which went along the lines, ‘I woke up early, but God doesn’t want me to go to Church; so I don’t care.’

It is during those times I should remind myself, am I truly living the faith I have? Or am I living it only at my convenience?

Having faith and living it are two different sides of the same coin. Even when no one is physically in the vicinity to hear my inner complaints, the spite which continues to linger wears and may even corrupt the mind, if dwelt on excessively. Nothing beneficial ever comes in being preoccupied with negative thoughts. On the contrary, they may one day leak into our thoughts and actions, and blatantly surface during trying times, without our awareness or meaning to.

Ultimately however, the thoughts I had were addressed to God. Even as I try to deny and direct this thought to nobody in particular, it is just like muttering complaints to myself about a person while still within his earshot. Even when the person knows we do not mean it and only said thus in the heat of the moment, it is not easy to let go of what was said.

The future promises to hold in store greater trials of life, and we all have to go through ours, like it or not. As for me, I will continue to pray that I will be able to grow during those times, consciously reminding myself to walk the path Jesus took whenever I am faced with such trials. May this Lenten season be a fruitful time of spiritual maturing for all through the denial of the physical pleasures in life.

RFG always.

When Quantity Leads to Quality

Have you ever had the experience of praying, yet not feeling in the mood to pray? Although you tried, you just cannot put your heart in it? If so, do we wait for an appropriate time until we feel motivated to pray? Or could it be a sign that we are losing faith?

Sometimes, I feel there is not much I can do to improve my relationship with God – rather, I should say I cannot think nor muster up anything to improve my relationship with Him. There are periods when, after completing a passage from the Bible, I am at a lost to pick up from there, and began to think if I should spend my time on more “productive” actions.

Even as I sit here typing this out, I do not exactly feel inspired to continue on writing. As a student of engineering, the question of quality over quantity naturally comes into mind once in a while. Recently I began to think in such terms during my nightly periods of spiritual reading and contemplation. Should I just focus my all on the initial passage and, if nothing else comes to mind, stop at there?

Last semester, I took my (compulsory) course of Introduction to Management, and in one of the topics there was a particular phrase which holds significant value, which went along this line:

“Drive is important – and equally important is the ability to sustain the drive.”

The ability to sustain the drive – perseverance, which in other words can also be translated as quantity.

While it is true that quantity – that is, the amount of time spent – does not necessarily result in quality, it provides a stepping stone that propels one to achieve better results. Occasionally, I tend to drift when I study or conduct research, yet somehow those periods seem to play a role in my passing of marks and work done. And after a while into the period, I was even able to get past the ‘I cannot absorb anything’ phase.

Similarly, by having quantity, I believe that it will nourish my faith and my relationship with God, even if I may not feel it so. For nothing if set aside willingly to our Heavenly Father will go wasted. And, as with other times, I believe that I will be able to move past the not-so-productive stage and accumulate myself so as to give my all, with the guidance of Jesus and the strength of the Holy Spirit.

As I list down my thoughts which no one (at least that I know) would likely read, I believe that one day this record would strengthen me for the better as I look back and ponder on the road which led me to where I am. The very fact that I have gone through such periods will not only nurture my faith, but I believe it will also aid me in other aspects of my life.

“Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God promised to those who love Him.”

(James 1:12)

RFG always.

Anime Allegory

Not long ago I finished watching the animation series Puella Magi Madoka Magica (yes, I enjoy Japanese anime – surprise surprise =D), after being recommended by several uni-mates. Initially I intended to keep myself from this show, not because of the ‘magical girl’ theme, but due to the series being too short – only 12 episodes.

Throughout the series, I noticed somewhat the dark and moral themes presented in the anime. The final episode somewhat moved me a bit; the words at the end had me recall that there is always someone watching over you; and I gave my verdict that it was an above average show (for the many who really enjoyed it, I apologise but it just did not appeal highly to me, not that I believe those who watched it would be reading this though XD). That was in essence my thoughts on the anime at that time.

Sometime later, as I was browsing the net in search for any manga/anime with Christian-based themes, I chanced upon this site, beneaththetangles.wordpress.com. More specifically, I came across this article, which left me quite a while in reflection. For those who are reading this, I recommend you also read what the author, TWWK eloquently wrote there.

Warning: spoiler alert for those who have not, and intend, to watch Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

To briefly summarise those thoughts,

• Madoka’s final sacrifice displays the mankind’s fallen state and the value of Jesus Christ.
• The relationship of Kyubey and the girls is similar to the serpent tempting Adam and Eve to eat the fruit in the garden of Eden, both instances the latter not realising the full consequences of their act.
• Madoka taking on the curses of all the magical girls throughout history parallels Jesus taking the burden of sin of all humankind.
• Madoka left Homura her red ribbon, reminding her she is not alone. Likewise, Christ, when He ascended to the Father, sent the Holy Spirit to the believers.
• Christ overcame sin upon the Cross. Similarly, all magical girls were freed from the curse of becoming witches due to Madoka’s self-sacrifice. Yet suffering continues in both cases. Sin is still prevalent in our world; while demons came in place of witches. But this life, after renewal is much better than the previous. The magical girls still fight, but no longer live under the witch’s curse. Christians still have to deal with sin, but can now look forward in hope towards our heavenly destination.

While the points were certainly quite eye-opening, what particularly struck me were not the insights that were presented, but the fact that I failed to notice those insights even after completing the anime some time ago (for a person who partly focuses allegory theology, I must admit I am a little disappointed with myself). From time to time I like to fancy myself drawing anime-like artwork or creating Catholic-themed manga (by the way, computer graphics design would have been my first option for tertiary education before engineering). Part of this is fuelled somewhat due to some of these Japanese productions poking fun at, and sometimes showing open contempt for Christianity. To say nothing of the fan service that comes with almost every anime, many of them promote questionable moral values, whether directly or through subtle undertones within their works. Really now, is sexual-themed humour a must for a show to be successful?

Reading TWWK’s article was in a way a wake-up call for me. Although reminded often, many a time I fail to recognise God’s presence in every aspect of my life, especially during periods of entertainment. “God is not only found in Church, Scripture or prayer.” It is easy for one to say it, even more so to take this sentence for granted. Only when you have personally experienced something meaningful (and repeatedly) does the phrase nail home. The Madoka post reaffirms me that there is indeed a divine dimension in all areas of activity.

God is truly present everywhere. We need however, to constantly remind ourselves to open our eyes and ears and tune ourselves towards His presence. Not an easy task to be sure, yet “he who seeks finds” (Luke 11:10). With this in our hearts, I hope that we will gradually come to see Him in everything we encounter, and to glorify Him through all that He has placed before us.

RFG always.

PS: by chance (or should I say, His plan) the passage which I read while writing this, Joshua 22:10-34 reminded that praise, although presented differently, is just as acceptable to glorify His name as with other forms of more traditional or contemporary praise, as long as it is absent from sinful aspects – it is more the intention that gives what we do meaning.

T-O-lo-G

I enjoy theology. I wrote it in my CV; I mention it when asked about a personal hobby/interest; I can spend hours on a single passage, topic or issue pertaining to this field; I have considered – and still considering – taking a major in this course.

Yet if there is one thing about my ‘style’ of theology, quite often my interpretations/derivations serve no practical purpose in daily life. I am currently reading a book by Haddon W. Robinson entitled Biblical Preaching, which stresses the importance of the application of Scripture to our lives here on earth. If I were to follow strictly to the book, I can safely say that my works would fail the course.

Let me take my interpretation for Numbers 19:1-10 for example (just run through it if you have not read it yet). Now, allow me to share with whoever is reading this a perspective of this passage:

1-10. Reflects and foreshadows Christ’s Passion.

2. Red heifer.             Jesus.

3. Similar to the high priests, had Jesus taken outside of Jerusalem and crucified Him in their presence.

6. Cedar wood. Brings to mind the wooden cross on which Christ was crucified. Hyssop. Recalls the reed used to bring vinegar to Jesus (John 19:29). Scarlet wool. Reminds of the scarlet robe in Matthew 27:28. Throw them onto the burning heifer. Note these 3 (analogies) were associated to Jesus during Crucifixion.

7-8. Priest. Man who burns it. Unclean. Reflects the 2 parties’ (the priests and Roman soldiers) sin for crucifying an innocent man.

9. A man who is clean…ceremonially clean place. Recalls Joseph, the upright and righteous man who buried Jesus in his own unused tomb (Luke 23:50-53). They are to be kept…from the purification of sin. The blood of Jesus was covers the heart of every believer and purifies them from sin.

7,8,10. Unclean until evening. They will remain under sin until they repent and are baptized (Acts 2:38). Wash his clothes. Bathe in water. Refers to the act in Acts 2:38.       

10. This will be a lasting ordinance…residing among them. Now the blood of Jesus is the everlasting covenant for all who believe (Luke 22:20).

Frankly from my point of view, this passage interpretation would do little to convince someone of Christ’s mercy, or that he/she needs to be baptised. The allegory hidden within the passage is too vague to be used as a conversion story, and only devoted people who enthusiastically read their Bibles would ever pause to ponder on its allegorical meaning. There are other stories contained in the Bible which would make greater impact to be used for evangelisation. Without seeing it metaphorically in light of the New Testament, one may even claim that this passage has no bearing in our lives today.

So to why do I continue to pursue this? I guess in a rational sense the closet simile I can conjure is the same as to why some people devote extensive time into literature. What is the meaning of this person’s actions? What is the author trying to convey? What is the underlying message of the whole story? And when all the pieces of the plot finally fit in, there is some sense of fulfilment left in us by the author.

Perhaps it could also be viewed similar to art. To many, a drawing serves no practical purpose other than for décor/aesthetics, yet there are some who would spend hundreds, thousands, even millions in cash for what others may judge as an ordinary piece of artwork.

As for myself, I do not read the Bible or study theology solely to find a way to live, an answer to a problem, a praise to sing, encouragement or strength in life (of course, that does NOT mean I do not read the Bible for those purposes as well). Perhaps some may feel that by doing the above it is enough to get by into the Kingdom of Heaven, or perhaps they may feel it is not their calling. To me however, I hold it a privilege that God is constantly opening my eyes and allowing me to see the hidden beauty of His Word and works, and how all of them fit His being like a jigsaw puzzle.

Until now up from the time I first realised my interest in this, it has never really disturb me that I could not apply a passage to directly fit in my life today. Had the Bible been composed solely as a book of prayers and instructions, it would have lost much of its credit during the course and change of times. Yet the Bible is rich in the person and revelation of God for those who stop and meditate on the His Word.

In university, a lecturer can have either one of these 2 relationships to a person. First, he/she can have student-teacher relationship. Those who are grouped under this category come, teach, and leave after the period is over. Their role ends upon completion of the lesson. However, we could also see our lecturer more of a friend-educator instead of the afore-mentioned. If we cultivate a deeper relationship with our lecturer, we find that the subject taught becomes easier to absorb, and he/she becomes more approachable. Furthermore he/she is more willing to assist you should you run into problems regarding your thesis or assignments, and you may even acquire additional knowledge/insight regarding the subject as well as in other matters. Similarly, I see God more under the latter category, though in an all-encompassing manner. Our relationship with Him should not be that of a person who only teaches or supports us, but also someone who we are able to spend time with as like a friend. And with a friend, every a minute detail about to him/her that we note indicates the strength in the relationship.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God (John 1:1). To contemplate on the Bible is to contemplate on the Lord. And by contemplating with the Holy Spirit, one will steadily come to know the innermost heart of God. That is what theology is to me.

RFG always.

PS: by the way, to whoever reading this, if you enjoy theology as well give me a holler aye? =)

Growing in Silence

Every once in a while I would take a day off typical “routine” prayer and Bible reading to sit quietly in the presence of God. There were times I spent quite some time kneeling in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament back in my hometown, praying about nothing in particular, yet leaving the chapel feeling blessed with a fruitful time as was in the post.

During those moments of silence, I find that much can be revealed and gained by merely being still in His presence. Since young, I had always been taught that communication is meant to be two-way; being still is an effective mean to allow God to speak into our hearts, amidst all the prayers and praises we offer to Him.

I firmly believe a true relationship is not built upon a set of rules, a call for help or unconnected/distant head-based knowledge. Likewise, I do not believe I can truly have a genuine relationship with God merely through prayers of request and thanksgiving, or by reading the Bible and studying Scriptures. Such indeed will carry us far in our faith, yet one must move beyond asking favours and impersonal knowledge to deepen our intimacy with God.

Is a friend only one when you need aid? Are your parents only your parents by blood and house rules? Can you truly get closer to someone merely by reading about their life, expressing admiration or a word of thanks? A real close relationship is one where both parties constantly enjoy the companionship with the other, regardless of what you are doing, even if you were to just sit beside him/her in silence. Communication goes beyond spoken words.

Even as the silence allows us to be more receptive towards God’s voice, there are times when God does not appear to put a particular word in our heart; yet I believe it more than suffice to merely dwell in His Presence, even if we cannot perceive Him speaking to us. Quite often I would allow my thoughts to flow freely during these moments of silence. I ask God questions unrelated to Scripture or its application, talking to Him in my heart as I would to a friend. And often enough, it feels somehow as though I receive a reply to those candid questions, the responses simple yet deep.

There are also periods where I would lie back and contemplate all that God has done for me in life. Looking back at all the wonders and experiences He has given me reminds me of how much He has showered upon me in this life. By making a trip down this memory lane, I may even discover and gain fresh insights, which I may have missed or taken for granted during the moment itself.

Still there are times when I would take the moment just to sit back and enjoy the stillness in God’s Presence. Times where I would lay everything down and dwell fully in Him. No words used; none are needed. Just as an intimate couple in each other’s arms; a relationship past spoken words – I am sure the feeling is the similar, if not better. And I am certain this is merely a shadow of the joy which awaits us in Heaven at the end of our earthly sojourn.

In the midst of our life, it is important to take a step back to reflect in the presence of God. Try and find some time for silent contemplation within our hectic schedule. Allow yourself an opportunity to develop an intimate relationship with God, as it is the greatest relationship anyone can ever hope to have.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
Like a child quieted at its mother’s breast;
Like a child that is quieted is my soul.

(Psalm 131:2)

RFG always.