Voice of the Disregarded

In the weeks during the US presidential election campaign, the name Donald Trump became a common sight in the web – be it in news portals or on social media. And, just as news that seem to always be brought into the spotlight, they were not exactly of the most commendable sort. In almost every piece I happened across during that period, Trump was condemned, criticised and mocked for his stances. These stances seem to be mainly centered on clamping down immigration, building a wall between US and Mexico, banning Muslims from the country, abolishing environmental protection, his scandals, sexism, etc.

The major secular media I came across portrayed Trump in a negative light, highlighting the outrageous comments made by him (though currently this seems to be balancing slightly more evenly during the time of writing). Yet, to a man (or in this case, a portal) they seemingly ignore other issues he addressed, for instance securing jobs for local American citizens. I cannot help but compare this to a similar situation occurring at the opposite end of the world – in Malaysia. On one hand you have its local newspapers portraying the reigning government as the one shining beacon of the country, with the opposition seeking to incite division and rebellion among the citizens. In contrast, the international media and internet websites project the opposition as champions for clean politics, a light that shines amidst a corrupt and oppressive government.

Now I am not saying I support Trump – or Hillary for that matter. Each has their own shortcomings, and this is beside the point of this article. Each has their faults, but what many tend overlook is that each has their strengths as well.

People are inclined to hear only what they want to hear. To a modern day educated urban citizen, perhaps his/her interests lean toward environmental conservation, gender equality, freedom of expression and openness to novel ideas. As long as I and those close to me are safe and doing fine, shouldn’t I be free to pursue what interests me? To a poor barely-schooled resident in a rural district however, he/she is more likely to be concerned with bread and butter issues and having a steady source of income to support themselves or their family. Who really cares about the environment or have the leisure creative expression if I cannot secure the basic necessities of life?

This is thus my conjecture. When the Democrats lost to the Republicans, many of these “moderate progressive” liberals refuse to accept this outcome – some going as far as to push for a secession from the US (eg: Calexit). This group is made up of middle to upper-class income earners: those who have access to proper education, tech-savvy and leading a more-or-less comfortable lives. Their exposure and formal credentials/achievements cause them to see themselves as well-informed, wiser and more intelligent than those living in the countryside. And it is precisely because of this that they cannot understand nor accept the reasons of the people who voted contrary to their ideals. A quick tour on MSN featured articles seem to prove this: those who voted for Trump are sexist, racist, Islamophobic or just plain stupid. But they cannot – or perhaps would not – see it in the eyes of those who behold a bleak future, who are struggling to make ends meet, simply because they have never tasted its unadulterated bitterness.

The situation above inevitably led me to compare it with the plight Christians are facing. In similar fashion, Jesus and His Apostles who lived by the Gospel are persecuted and derided by people of the supposedly educated and progressive lot. Because the latter are intelligent they declare their refusal to believe in “some fairy tale story of an almighty creator watching over everything.” The relevance of 1 Corinthians 1:22:23 remains strong even after over 2000 years.

Even if someone manages to provide a rational/logical explanation, they will refuse to accept it – just as the Jews in Acts 6:10-11, and just as the Americans now who refuse to accept the results of the presidential election. This made me recall a line from a piece I read many years ago: when an atheist was invited to debate with a pastor, he declined saying that it is impossible to hold a logical discussion over a fictional storybook. They cannot empathise with them, simply because they refuse the first step of acknowledging the possibility that He exist. Meanwhile those people beyond the convenience of city life are similar to those who make up the Body of Christ. Not in the sense of their spirituality perhaps, but on their emphasis on the fundamental necessities of life. Much like the latter half of Psalms 131:1, “…I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvellous for me.”

Perhaps in an environment where everything is placed on fast track, those in the city – myself included – have forgotten to cherish the simple things in life. So caught up are we in our own endeavours we sometimes tend to discount the issues of those close us, what more of others living a few hundred miles away from our district in some backcountry.

Yet, just as the democrats living in the major cities of US learned, to sideline them is to sideline a great number of hopes and dreams of her people. Like the upper-class Jews in Jesus’ day, the Pharisees, scribes and priests who scorned the lower-class society treated Jesus with the same contempt on the Cross. Ultimately, it is the poor, maimed, blind, lame, those on the highways and hedges (Luke 24:21,23), even the tax collectors and harlots (Matthew 21:31) that made their way into the Kingdom of Heaven. Those who are not trapped by the snares of the world (Luke 8:7,14), who have little/nothing to lose, and thus decided to put their faith into the untested water.

This case serves as a solemn reminder that the media-fed contemporary wisdom and intelligence does not necessarily portray/cover an entire story in an even light. In the end, one must consider the subject/views from all angles, and then exercise discretion based on his/her consciousness and guidance of the Holy Spirit. Never discard a person’s hopes especially for their desire on the basic necessities of life, for one day this may return to bite us in our heels.

RFG always.

Saint Kerrigan of Starcraft

It has been quite a while since I finished the Starcraft 2 trilogy – up to the epilogue of Legacy of the Void (LotV). For those who are not familiar, Starcraft 2 (SC2) is a sci-fi real time strategy (RTS) game by Blizzard Entertainment, whereby players wage battles with armies among 3 different races: Terran (more or less humans), Zerg (continuously evolving insect-like aliens) and Protoss (technologically superior aliens).

As can be inferred from the title of the post, I am going to highlight a character from Starcraft – which is none other than Sarah Kerrigan. She is the one of the most interesting characters throughout the first Starcraft (SC1) instalment in the late 90s right up to LotV: beginning as a protagonist in the early stages of SC1, portrayed as a primary antagonist throughout the remainder and right up to the end of SC2: Wings of Liberty (the first game in the SC2 trilogy), and returning back as a main protagonist in for the remainder of the series.

Before I explicate the title of my post, I would like to provide a significantly lengthy background of Sarah Kerrigan (major spoilers below).

Kerrigan before her infestation

Sarah Kerrigan was initially a Terran ghost, a specialised covert operative under the rebel force Sons of Korhal aiming to overthrow the powerful yet corrupt Terran Confederacy. On her last mission, she was heartlessly abandoned by Arcturus Mengsk, leader of the Sons of Korhal and captured by the Zerg. The Overmind, leader of the Zerg Swarm recognised her potential and, instead of killing her mutated Kerrigan into one of them.

Infested Kerrigan

As Infested Kerrigan, she became a major threat to both the Terran and Protoss. Even after being freed from control after the death of the Overmind, she took it upon herself to unite the Zerg under her command and killed many (Terran, Zerg and Protoss) that (potentially) stood in her way. By the end of the SC1, she had practically eliminated all of her major threats from the Terran and Protoss, and her Swarm became arguably the dominant superpower in the galaxy.

Kerrigan remained as the primary antagonist in the first installment of SC2 until her deinfestation in the final chapter of Wings of Liberty by her former partner and love interest Jim Raynor. However, the threat of Mengsk (now emperor of the Terran Dominion) who wanted her dead as well as the apparent death of Jim Raynor (later revealed to be hoax) prompted her to reunite the scattered Zerg and reinfest herself to exact her vengeance. During this period, Kerrigan became aware of Amon, a fallen Xel’Naga whose presence threatens the entire galaxy. After killing Mengsk with the help of Jim Raynor, she left to face Amon and his minions. 

Kerrigan after deinfestation (left) and subsequent reinfestation (right)

           

In the epilogue of LotV, the combined forces of Zerg, Terran and Protoss united to decisively put an end to Amon once and for all. Laying siege in the realm of the void, they discovered and subsequently released Ouros, one of the last remaining Xel’Naga. He revealed the only way to permanently defeat Amon was for him to transfer his essence to Kerrigan, thereby becoming Xel’Naga herself. She did so, and was finally able to slay Amon with the help of her allies.

Kerrigan as Xel’Naga

One may ask, how is it possible for us to relate to a human-made-monster-turned-human-turned-monster-turned-godlike being? If we take some time in examining Kerrigan’s life as a whole however, we may see her story pretty much summarises a Christian’s journey towards God. When I was a child, I mostly believed and followed what my parents say and do. Growing up, I began to be exposed to different environments as well as other people, which further influenced the way I act. Fast forward to adolescence, I entered the rebellious age, seeking something that would define me as me. And finally, at the age of fifteen, I experienced God’s loving redemption and made a conscious effort to live the life of the Gospel.

In a similar manner – though more fantastically told – a bird’s eye view on Kerrigan’s life sees her run through the same steps of trusting loyalty as a Terran ghost; external influence by her environment under the Overmind; self-gratification as the freed and individualistic Queen of Blades; and her slow (albeit skewed) path of making amends after her reinfestation.

But it is at the epilogue chapters of LotV, her final moments in the void, which I intend to highlight in this post. As her final act to end Amon and safeguard the future from certain doom, she sacrificed herself to become Xel’Naga. In doing so she was forced to abandon her Swarm, her remaining identity and her love for Jim Raynor – in short, everything she had, knew and love. Imagine how hard it is, to leave behind all that we are familiar and comfortable with, to tread a road full of uncertainty. Perhaps we may be able to appreciate just how much Abraham had put in stake when he casted his lot to leave his people and follow God in Genesis 12:1-4.

It becomes so tempting to seek a compromise in order to hold on to as much as we can while appeasing our conscience. Raynor attempted to persuade Kerrigan with just that: to find an alternative so that she would not need to “be mutilated again.” Here one may connect this with the analogy of Peter trying to prevent Jesus from the Cross (Matthew 16:22). Coupled with Kerrigan’s reply however, I feel it relates keener in our lives and the lives of the saints:

“With all I’ve done, the lives ruined…there’s blood on my hands. I need to cleanse it.”

A saint’s journey towards God is wrought with temptations and hard choices. There are those who would discourage and distract us (sometimes unknowingly) along the way. Oft times we impede ourselves by putting off/delaying certain decisions that would inconvenience us. An official, for instance, may ask for a bribe in order to secure a certain project for us. Perhaps our friends may invite us to hangout during our prayer meetings. Or we could be reluctant to pray before/after each and every activity in our daily lives (eg: recreation/games, studies/work, mealtimes etc).

Under such situations, will we be able to hold fast to the Gospel values? If we catch our superior/friend committing an offence, will we voice it out? If we found a major error in our exam answers that will alter our grades from a ‘Pass’ to ‘Fail’, will we still seek to correct it?

In my own journey, I have been through many similar situations, and have likely fallen more than the amount of leaves of a tree in autumn. Nevertheless, Scripture and the Church (through the Sacrament of Reconciliation) constantly remind me that the first step is to acknowledge my sin, to seek to correct it, and to strive to live as God calls us to.

As a late millennial used to the comforts of technology and constantly occupied in his own daydreams, I find it a bit difficult to relate to historical saints with their solemn faces in iconographies. Going by how I imagine myself akin to a certain character in an anime/game even until today, I could even say that I occasionally find fictional characters more impressionable than God’s chosen in Heaven. Kerrigan’s story is something people in the same boat as me can relate to. Like Kerrigan I am far from perfect, but by acknowledging I am just a man with a pair of sinful hands, I should seek to atone for my mistakes and walk in the footsteps of the Lord.

RFG always.

Gold among Pyrite

As part of my spiritual routine, I would take a portion of my time every day to contemplate the day’s missal. So for this post, I decided to write down my thoughts on the readings several weeks back on Monday, the 19^th week in Ordinary Time (readings were in the order of: Ezekiel 1:2-5,24-28; Psalm 148:1-2,11-14; and Matthew 17:22-27).

The setting of the first reading took place several years after the fall of Jerusalem and the Jewish exile to Babylon. Around this period, a priest named Ezekiel had a vision in which he beheld the glory of God:

“Like the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud on the day of rain, so was the appearance of the brightness round about. Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord.” 

(Ezekiel 2:28)

I would like to stress that this took place in what can be considered as dark times, when the Israelites were under Babylonian rule, and the former were given a significant amount of time to chip away their hope of reclaiming their sovereignty. Their Temple was ransacked, their identity was being destroyed, and the people were scattered throughout the region.

Yet in these turbulent circumstances, God chose to reveal Himself to a relatively insignificant priest by a river in Chaldea. Not something he – or anyone – would have expected, what more in a foreign land away from Holy City. Yet when the will of men seem greatest, God’s glory glows in the backdrop, though not everyone will be able to glimpse its flame behind the veil. Ultimately, His glory will prevail; the curtain will be caught by an all-consuming fire: the righteous faithful with fire the Holy Spirit, while the unrepentant to the fire of Hell.

In the opening lines of the day’s Gospel, Jesus informed His disciples that He would be subjected to the powers of men and be put to death. His disciples were so distraught, that to a man they seemed to overlook His immediate follow through, “‘…He will be raised on the third day.’”

Often I observe that people (myself included) focus on the events of the world, and how corruption and evil seem to prevail. In fact, at one time I myself developed a habit of inquiring who died the moment someone brought in a newspaper/newsfeed, as death and disasters seem like a commonplace nowadays. I do not believe I am the only one; it is difficult to remain optimistic when the world seem to revel showering us with depressing news. Worse, we seem to embrace it – ask ourselves which seem more likely to catch our eye: A donates $ amount to charity or B killed N amount of people in a school? Which of the two are likely to be on mainstream headlines?

Yet as Christians we are called not to lose to hope but to keep faith. As our Lord said in John 15:19, we do not belong to this world – God picked us out specifically to be part of His flock. As such, though the world may be in darkness, we carry within us a light that can illuminate the world. For within us dwell the Holy Spirit, God’s very Person Himself, in the temple of our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19).

This theme of God’s hidden glory in the world is also present in the second part of the Gospel. The collectors of the Temple tax came to Peter, inquiring whether Jesus had paid the half shekel, as was required by the Rabbis then. What they did not realise was that they should be paying the tribute to Jesus Himself! They intended to collect an earthly offering for the divine from the One who is Divine, who came to and for the world. Even Peter, who had earlier proclaimed Him as the Christ back in Matthew 16:16, did not fully grasp the significance and authority of Jesus from his reply in Matthew 17:25. Unlike the man in Matthew 13:44, they did not recognise the hidden treasure dug up in the field.

There is a saying, “there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.” This is especially meaningful in Christianity, whose faith hinges on the hope of the second Coming of our Lord. Even in the darkest night, the hidden stars never cease to shine above the clouds, and dawn never fails to come after.

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

RFG always.

Prejudiced Pretext

A few weeks back a former classmate of mine (let us call her A) posted a picture on Facebook, containing an extract from the Bible and Quran respectively (see below).  

Her opening comment basically asserted Islam as a religion of peace, denying it as a terrorist sect, while implying Christianity as the culprit of violence.

Naturally, when a person posts sensitive or controversial topics – while at the same time having acquaintances from different backgrounds and beliefs –, he/she is bound to attract attention and – most likely – feedback. Thus it came as no surprise when another former classmate (B) responded, citing a number of verses from the Quran that seemingly supported violence, and arguing that Christians do not follow the Old Testament but the New Testament laws.

This is where it got interesting to me. A’s response was that the verses cited by B were taken out of context and distorted by anti-Islamists to support their own propaganda. She then took one of B’s quoted verses and explained at some length the reason and meaning behind it.

What she did not realise however, was that the very words she wrote spoke against her! She admonished others about others about taking isolated verses and using it as a pretext, when she herself was guilty of committing that very act for Exodus 22:20.  I could not help but point it out to A, explaining that Exodus 22:20 was concerning apostasy exclusively among Jews – and that similar writings have been recorded in the Hadith (regarded in Islam as the second most important book after the Quran). As a closing, I added that I was willing to discuss more on matters concerning other faiths in order to deepen my understanding of their beliefs.

During this episode, there were two things that bothered me (other than those already mentioned above). The first was the reactions it received. Within a span of a few hours, the original post garnered a significant number of likes from Muslims (all who I believe were from my country). This goes to show that there are many who would immediately seize any reason to support their own agenda – no matter how flimsy it is –, even in a supposedly professed moderate and multi-religious nation. No need to delve further in the issue – after all, the verse is there for all to see and compare. I mean, why waste time and complicate matters as long as I have proven my point, right?

The second was the aftermath of my reply. The very next day, the first post to show up on my news feed was by A:

Some may take this as her growing maturity in being sensitive and respecting other religions, but I see it differently. By responding in this manner, there are several implications which I can draw in contrary to the above opinion.

Firstly, removing the post without any mention of the aforementioned topic showed that she had no intention to discuss nor think of it any further. Let us just put it out of our minds and not dwell on the issue any longer. No one gets worked up and everybody is happy, right?

Correction: picking this path shows you are unwilling to learn and make an effort to understand the many different faiths around you. Could this be due to misguided fear? Of, perhaps, damaging relationships? Triggering a retribution? Offending others? A misunderstanding of some sort? Maybe it is too much hassle? More likely, it is a combination of all, some more than others.

Deep down, I believe the major reason people choose to this option is the fear of truth. J.K. Rowling deliberated on this concept, writing in the voice of Hermione, “Dumbledore says people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right” (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince).

It is not easy to let go of one’s pride and foundation, to admit your errors, re-examine and perhaps re-correct one’s thoughts or behaviours. No one likes to be in the wrong. That has ever been part human nature since the time of Adam right up till today, and will remain so for future generations until the Day of Judgment.

This act, rather than demonstrating maturity, displays callowness in the person. When a difficult or unpleasant issue arises, he/she closes his/her eyes rather than confronting it. Real growth is marked by the ability to overcome obstacles. Conversely, running from a problem shows that one is unwilling to change.

Another issue arising from removing the post was that it impeded any effort put in in fostering harmony and understanding of the different religions around us, thus keeping presumptions about other faiths. I cannot foresee A’s actions down the road (only the Lord knows), but I doubt those who took this preventive step would be disposed in discussing similar topics in future. Sadly, many people have this sort of mentality. Which is a pity really; we could have learnt so much from and about one another, even acquiring insights that we may have overlooked from our own sheltered upbringing.

If all of us would set aside our preconceptions and take some time to get to know one another and our respective beliefs, I believe much of the world’s conflicts can be avoided. Just how many arguments, discriminations and wars have been carried out under the banner of religion? As intelligent and civilised beings we ought to be, perhaps it is high time we open our eyes and live up to that description, instead of jumping to whatever catches our fancy and ignoring views which run contrary to ours.

“We must love them both, those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject, for both have laboured in the search for truth, and both have helped us in finding it.”

(Saint Thomas Aquinas)

RFG always.

Redemption’s Death

When I was young, I was taught that, after we die, we will ultimately end up either in Heaven or Hell for all eternity. There will be no second chances once our life on this world ends – either we make it or break it. As I started being exposed to various thoughts and opinions however, I began to question the issues surrounding this statement.

Back in Sunday school, the teachers used to emphasise on how loving and merciful God is, sending His only begotten Son to die for our sins that we may be saved. At the same time, we were given a set of rules which can essentially be summed up as “how to be a good person”. Though seldom explicitly stated, it was somewhat implied that if we go against those rules, we will wind up in Hell. This had me wondering, if our God is slow to anger and abundant in mercy, why is a person not entitled for that same grace after his/her life here ends? 

I believe the answer lies in one of the very first gift that God bestowed on humankind – free will. In our life here, we can choose whether or not to respond to God’s call. This freedom I believe extends even after we pass from this world. However, I also believe this will not change the outcome.

Think about it. We are given our lifetime here to make our choice to follow Him. Even at the last second, that instant before a suicide hits the ground, the moment he/she repents, the person is saved. 

But for those who refuse to turn to God in this life, could they will truly repent once they pass the place of Judgment? Here on earth, the Church militant tirelessly holds out her hand while battling the forces of evil, in order to save the lost in this world. Upon (physical) death however, the saints would be gathered up into heaven; who then, among the holy ones would be around to pick us up? When the wheat is separated from the chaff, and righteous taken to Heaven, who will still be able to witness to those who remained behind? In the valley where even a spark of good is denied, how are we to ever hope to climb out of that chasm if we had turned our backs at the time when the beacon of light was still present in our midst?

This is a solemn reminder to myself, that if I cannot overcome the temptations as well as my reluctance to call upon His grace in this God given life, I will not be able to do so even if given a hundred more. Just how many times have I told myself that I would get my act together immediately, only to let it flicker out right after? There will come a time when I will have to answer for what I have done, and failed to do. If, even with the support and encouragement of His people I choose to deny the grace of God, what more in a place devoid of it?

RFG always.

Persist in Prayer 2

Awhile back I wrote on how one should always persevere in prayer, even under trying circumstances. The post was actually a slight deviation from what I originally intended to put out, influenced by the events I went through that time.  

For this entry, I would like to emphasise again the need to persevere in prayer, but on a slightly different ground. That is, pray even if you do not have the feeling to pray. Entreat the Lord even if you do not see the significance in it. And, by extension, worship Him with the traditions handed down by the Church, even if you do not fully comprehend or commit to it.

We can all learn a thing or two from 1 Samuel 3:1-10. Merely a boy at that time, I highly doubt he could fully grasp the significance of his duties in the temple. Even more so, when the Word of the Lord first came to him, he did not immediately recognize it. Yet though he did not know nor comprehend what was happening, he persisted in answering and was ultimately chosen by the Lord.

I think it is imperative to know that the Lord oft chooses those who do not understand, and commissions those who do not fully comprehend. The desire to see the mystery and wisdom they glimpsed drove the Wise men to seek the Babe in the stable. The simpleness and lack of understanding of the shepherds and the Apostles allowed the angels and later the Holy Spirit to illuminate their path and fill that void within them. The fact is that, only when we empty ourselves can the Holy Spirit fill us with His wisdom. It was because the Scribes and Pharisees’ arrogance of their wisdom and understanding of Scripture that blinded them to the Word Incarnate, and prevented the Holy Spirit from entering their hearts.

A common example is that children may not understand what their parents are doing, but that does not mean the latter’s actions have no meaning on the children’s future, welfare or lives. When I was young, I could not understand why my mum would prioritise holding onto a lost child at the same spot until his mother arrived, over my intention to quickly return home and watch Dragon Ball. Nor did I grasp the significance when she told me not to stare directly at the sun as it would spoil my eyes. Similarly, the Apostles, disciples and crowds did not grasp (initially) the meaning of Christ’s coming and healing works and miracles, yet to those who were destined to be saved, it made a great impact in their lives.

How Isaac must have felt when he laid upon the altar, about to be sacrificed by his own father. Yet from there sprouted God’s promise of descendants as many “as the stars of heaven and as the sand which is on the seashore”. How Joseph must lamented his misery when his brothers chucked him in the well, especially given his dreams that he would be standing above them. Yet God raised him to a high position in Pharaoh’s court. How Naaman must have snorted when he was told to bathe in the river 7 times. Yet he did so, and was healed. How Peter balked when Christ told him He has to suffer on the Cross. Yet he would come to fully appreciate it on the day of the Apostle's own death. How we ourselves would initially have, and still may continue to feel when Jesus said we are to love Him more than our parents, and to give up everything in order to enter Heaven, what more saying that to small children. Yet, we know it is the Lord that blessed us with all these.

Why should we lay hands when commissioning? Why should we go for confession? Why partake in the Eucharist every Sunday? Why abstain from meat on Fridays? Why make the sign of the Cross before prayer? Why pray to Mary and the Saints? Why pray for the souls of the dead? Why, why, why…

I am not advocating to simply swallow and repeat everything as it is. It is always meaningful to know the significance of the things we believe and the actions we perform. Yet at times the answers given may not wholly satisfy us. Even if it is logically sound, our heart may not necessarily accept what we hear. A rational answer may sometimes be overwritten by rousing speeches – much politics sadly work that way. And never forget that faith transcends human rationale.

Besides, trying to find the answers to all the mysteries of the God and His works is akin to attempting to uncover all the secrets of the universe. We need not even look that far. In the highly objective and factual field of Science and Engineering, after years of research and application, we still cannot pinpoint all the parameters that affect the motion responses of an object, thus we assign a value that represents it, such as the coefficients of friction, drag and inertia. And just as we finally thought we could wrap up all there is to know, along comes another factor which opens up a new branch to many other questions. Continuing from the example of motion responses, I am referring to the relatively recent studies on vortex induced vibrations (VIV). But I digress. The point is, if we cannot completely grasp the knowledge of physical nature, how much more impossible it is then, to fully unearth the mysteries of God.

This struggle is not uncommon. Legend has it that Saint Augustine, while contemplating on the mystery of the Holy Trinity along the seashore, met a young boy filling a seashell with seawater and emptying into a hole in the sand. As the boy continued this routine, the bishop asked, “Son, what are you doing?” to which the former replied, “I am emptying the sea into this hole.” Naturally one cannot fault the bishop for exclaiming, “That is impossible!” But upon hearing that, the boy merely replied, “I will sooner empty the sea into this hole than you will be able to grasp the mystery of the Holy Trinity.”

(St Augustine, by Władysław Wankie)

Saint Thomas Aquinas was another theologian of great intellect whose writings greatly influenced the formation of the Catholic Church today. Near the end of his life he underwent a mystical experience and immediately ceased his writings. His associate Reginald recorded him saying, “…all that I have written seems like straw to me.” These men were prominent teachers blessed with great wisdom, who spent much of their life in earnest study on the Word of God. Yet they barely managed to scrape the tip of the iceberg.

So will we truly come to understand everything we do when it comes to our faith? For myself, the point of life is not to reach the end, but the journey to reach the end. Similarly, I may never be able to fully grasp the significance in my lifetime; even so, I can grow to appreciate more and more as I continue to observe and ponder upon it. Just as humans will never ever be able to comprehend the depths of God’s love, but the faithful undertake the journey anyhow, that they may catch a glimpse of it in this life, and one day come to bask in its fullness.

 “And He said, ‘The kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed upon the ground, and should sleep and rise night and day, and the seed should sprout and grow, he does not know how. The earth produces of itself, first the blade, then the ear then the full grain of the ear. But when the grain is ripe, at once he puts in the sickle, because harvest has come.’”

(Mark 4:26-29)

RFG always.

Pride and Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a major theme in the Bible. From the Old right up to the New Testament, Scripture recorded numerous examples of God’s abundant mercy to His people: Israel’s complaints during the Exodus, David’s adultery with Bathsheba, the people of Nineveh and Christ’s Passion on the Cross are just a few sweets in a jar. Throughout the ages, every time the people turn back for forgiveness, God is always there to pardon them from sin.

Today it has become a norm for Christians to ask forgiveness in our prayer. Perhaps it has always been that way since ages past. Either way, it seems so easy for us to ask for forgiveness from God, much like giving a morning greeting to our acquaintances.

Yet why is it so difficult to apologise to people? Why is it that our pride hinders us from uttering a sincere “sorry” even when we are in the wrong? This made me recall to mind Matthew 5:23-24. Something we should all keep in mind in these scenarios.

Should we not ask ourselves: are we truly seeking God’s forgiveness every time we pray, if we cannot bring ourselves to ask forgiveness from those we wronged? Do we hide behind the fact that “God is all-knowing and knows my heart”? Well, those very words seem to ring hollow here. Is it the fact that God is not physically present (in the worldly sense), and thus we are somehow detached in our prayer? Or is our attention when praying occupied elsewhere that it can easily be blown from memory, like dried leaves in an autumn wind?

I feel like I am beginning to grasp bit by bit the other side of Luke 17:4. It is not easy to swallow one’s pride to ask for forgiveness. It is not easy to even look at the person in question in the eye. The drive to such can only come from a person who is either extremely thick-skinned about their actions, or is truly repentant and trying to make amends.

As I reflect upon it, I find it astounding that humans would rather keep their arms crossed than to lower their heads to repair the relationship. So much can be mended, yet often we choose to throw away this opportunity for the sake of “keeping face”. We rather brood for ages and come up with a multitude of justifications than to spend a brief moment for reconciliation. Yes, we will keep our pride alright, and lose our much more valuable dignity.

And what are the causes of breakdown in relationships? More often than not, they are no more than petty issues and minor misunderstandings. An offhand remark which is taken as an insult. A thoughtless action which upsets the recipient. Yes they may be minor, and to us may not seem to warrant a severing of ties. In that case, why allow such a minor problem be blown into a rift? Should it not be easy – or a minor thing, to make an apology?

Not to say the one wronged is always completely in the right. In some cases, he/she should have spoken up against the act instead of giving the offender a cold shoulder, or worse, plotting revenge. It may be the offender in question is not even aware that their actions hurt the said party. Thus just before Luke 17:4, Christ said that “if your brother sins, rebuke him” (Luke 17:3).

Yet the responsibility mainly lies on the offender who should make the effort to consider what had brought it all the way to this situation. One cannot really expect the insulted to tell it directly to us in our faces, just as one cannot expect a rape victim to willingly speak up. It could even be, at times, the person we think has backstabbed us actually came about because of the way we acted. In the event that he/she abruptly turns aloof for a seemingly significant amount of time, perhaps we should take the initiative to ask what we did to offend them directly. Listen without the intent to offer a comeback. Apologise when they point out your faults. Those who enjoyed your company will respect you, and will be willing to thaw should you display your sincerity.

If we can apologise to God for our sins, so should we be able to apologise to those neighbours we have sinned against. And if we can do that, we will be able to offer up a more sincere apology that will make us right with God, just like the tax collector in Luke 18:13. 

RFG always.

Daily Miracle Diary

From today onwards I shall attempt to keep a record on some of the daily miracles that occurred in my life, at least the ones which shine out to me. This shall be a reminder to myself and for my conviction of the little yet wonderful blessings God has showered my life with.

Today I woke up as usual at 5.48am to prepare myself and take the bus to Church, which leaves around 7am. As I have to submit my conference paper by 15^th March 2016, I would prefer to attend the earlier Mass (8.00am) at Saint Michael’s Church (SMC) located some 20 minutes away by foot from the bus station. Of late I the bus usually reaches its designation slightly later than 7.50am, so I had been attending the Church of Our Lady of Lourdes (OLOL), which starts at 9am.

Today however, the bus arrived 20 minutes before 8, just in time for me to arrive at SMC at the start of the opening hymn. Miracle No. 1.

Before heading my way to Church, I checked the bus schedule at my usual station, which was recently revised. Previously there had been trips at 10.30am, which was the main reason why I went to SMC – just in time for brunch before walking back to the station from Church. I found that there was no bus at earlier than 11.30am, which would defeat the purpose of going to an earlier Mass. However, there were 2 bus stations in the area, and since I was not familiar with their schedule, I decided to take a step in faith after I am done with Church and food.

Right after brunch, I had an urge to shit. I decided to take the dump at the toilet near the bus station. Not long after, the desperation meter increased exponentially. It was too late to turn back then, and there were no toilets in sight. So at the peak of my limit, I said aloud, “By the strength of God, I will arrive at the toilet,” and “By the grace of God, the toilet will be vacant when I arrive.” (Note there was only 1 decently clean toilet in the area) And whadaya know: the crappy urge began to subside, and I was able to make the last 2 to 3 minutes to the toilet. And just as I was a few meters away from my point of interest, out came the previous occupant of the toilet. Talk about perfect timing. Miracle No. 2.

After answering the call of nature, I headed to bus station no. 2, the one whose schedule I was not sure of. When I arrived and asked about the next trip back, I was told it was about to leave in 5 minutes. Miracle No. 3.

Since I have an urgent need to meet my paper deadline (note I have yet to start writing, as my results were faulty), I stopped by my university laboratory/workstation to continue troubleshooting and calibrating my simulations. Managed to find a workaround before the end of the day. Miracle No.4.

Initially the day seemed as though it might rain in the evening; that would be a problem, as I had left my bicycle at the hypermarket, located between my university and my house. Walking from my university to the hypermarket takes approximately 45 minutes, and the subsequent ride back would add another 10 to it. Yet evening saw decently clear sky, and a research mate who came by the laboratory for his own work was kind enough to fetch me to the hypermarket. Thus I was able to make it back safely before 7pm. Miracle No.5.

So ends another blessed day in God.

PS: if possible, it is always good to keep the Sabbath; I substituted mine with Saturday, the day before.

RFG always.

Missal Musings

There are times when daily readings seem to be compatible with our current circumstances. There are also times when the readings seemingly do not connect with us. Then there are times where the readings are neither of the two, but seem to invoke disagreement. That was what happened to me on 8 February 2016, on the night of Chinese New Year. Note the readings were taken from universalis.com (http://www.universalis.com/20160208/mass.htm, though the link is already dead; it was Monday, the fifth week in Ordinary Time).

The first reading was taken from 1 Kings 8:1-7, 9-13. I will omit most of it for brevity’s sake, but would like to highlight the verse that rubbed me the wrong way: “I have built thee an exalted house, a place for thee to dwell forever.”(1 Kings 8:13).

The subsequent Psalm seem to further press this point. Taken from Psalm 131:6-10, paired with its antiphon “Go up, Lord, to the place of your rest!” gave the image of the house of God being confined to a physical place. Since when, was my immediate thought, has God and His Presence been, or to be, confined by man?

The Gospel that day was taken from Mark 6:53-56. Quoting directly from website, “No sooner had they stepped out of the boat than people recognised him, and started hurrying all through the countryside and brought the sick on stretchers to wherever they heard he was.” My immediate thought was: Is Our Lord merely a miracle worker that we go running to Him every time we want a favour, and disappear as soon as we obtain what we want? Did they (and by extension, believers today) not intend to build a close personal relationship with God?

To sum it up, I had issues with all 3 readings, something that has never happened to me before.

When I pondered upon it rationally, the first reading I could explain it away by referring to the culture of the Jews at that time, and being God’s chosen people He dwelled specifically in their midst (in the Ark of the Covenant). In addition, the Jews needed affirmation that God was (especially) there with them.

As for the Gospel, that was how I myself somewhat started off: in need of healing, I came and surrendered to the Lord and His grace and mercy.

Yet with all those in mind, they still did not fill me with conviction and left me wanting for a more satisfactory explanation.

Was it something to do with our heart? Perhaps in the first reading the message is that God looks at the state of one’s heart? Why was I not inspired by God’s abundant grace and mercy in those passages?

I found my answers in the following day’s reading: 1 Kings 8:22-23,27-30; Psalm 83:3-5,10-11 (with the response “How lovely is your dwelling-place, Lord, God of hosts.”); Mark 7:1-13. Another reminder that I should always read and consider a passage or an event in its entirety.

Continuing from where it left off, Solomon clearly put it in the first reading, “The heavens and their own heavens cannot contain you. How much less this house that I have built!” This verse suggests the house was not built for the sake as God’s physical residence; rather it served a reminder to his people, to look towards God at all times, to look to him in all sincerity, and that He is always near us. Such allusion can be found further back in the first book of Scripture: the Spirit of God wanders throughout the universe, yet He stopped to take pleasure in Abel’s offerings. Just as Abel offered the firstborn of his flock, in the same way the Temple which Solomon built was meticulously made, with the finest materials and craftsmen, and dedicated with offerings and sacrifices. Thus it was a symbol to the Israelites to dedicate themselves wholly to the Lord.

As Solomon continued his prayer in the reading, the Temple was not a device contain God, but as a house dedicated to God, his prayer was rather that God may pay special attention to it, just as He had for Abel’s offering, to watch over His chosen people. Years later Jesus would say, “For where two or three are gathered in My Name, there am I in the midst of them (Matthew 18:20).”

As for the Psalm, rather than the literal “Go up, Lord, to the place of your rest!” of the previous day, since God’s special attention is present there, it is rather for our sake, for us to dwell in his lovely presence. Similarly in this age as we have Adoration in Churches today before the Blessed Sacrament, before the Real Presence nonetheless.

Comparing the Gospel readings of the two days, on one hand you have the people coming to Him for healing; on the other people who come to Him to find some fault. God would rather us come as the former, for they at least have faith in Him (else He could perform no miracle – Mark 6:5-6), while the latter continue to doubt till their deathbeds. At the very least those that come to rely on Him, the seed which received the waters of grace may have opportunity to grow. After all, the hungry are more receptive if you feed them before preaching. Humans tend to seek fulfilment of their immediate needs before moving on to other matters.

Though the Gospel explanation did not fully satisfy me; then again, perhaps the whole exercise is a reminder to myself, that the house I built for God is not to be made by human hands that would one day collapse but in my heart, a heart always sincere for Him. That I came to Him in need of healing, and being made well to nourish this relationship I have with Him, taking it to a more personal level each day, instead of some dry daily habit.

As I review back what I have written, my initial reasoning and subsequent explanation from the following day’s reading are not so different – or rather, very similar to each other, perhaps just differently phrased and expounded. Yet somehow, the latter seemed more convincing to me than my initial reasoning. I guess it goes to show that an answer, once personalised is far more impactful than a straight and “precise” one.

RFG always.

Persist in Prayer

There are numerous occasions in my life when I do not have the mood to pray, for some reason or another. Sleep spells that occasionally show up during my prayer/contemplation hour, or coming back from a long day are some instances which put a damper on me from communicating with God.

A recent case point was my plan to attend Saturday evening Mass suddenly cancelled without a word. After walking a distance from my house to the meeting point and waiting for approximately 40 minutes, I concluded it highly unlikely that transport would show up, and thus made my way back to my room. I generally spend at least an hour a day for prayer and contemplation on days when I do not attend Mass; however, at that moment in time I briefly considered skipping this round.

Under those circumstances, I keep telling myself to pray even if I do not have the motivation to do so. The anger and irritation I feel, especially if the plans made were related to my spiritual nourishment, makes it all the more tempting to rebel with thoughts such as, “Since God is stopping me from praying, I’m not going to bother then.”

That is exactly what the devil is after. He wants us to turn our backs to God, to walk away in defiance and self-righteousness. The alluring exterior of the fruit screams “Be independent and carve your own path”; the rotten innards whisper “And welcome to the pit of hell.”

In the same way the serpent seduced Eve to cut her relationship and dependence on God, so does Satan intend to manipulate us, sometimes ever so subtly, to slowly chip away our relationship with Him. There is a saying in the internet that goes:

When you carry a Bible, the devil gets a headache.

When you open it, he collapses.

When he see's you reading it, he faints.

When he see's you're living it, he flees.

For me, those words are but a gullible midsummer’s dream. More likely:

When you carry a Bible, the devil brings noise.

When you open it, he places shades on top.

When he see's you reading it, he whispers twisted words.

When he see's you're living it, he calls for backup.

How many of us have the Bible in our phones, or internet connections where Scripture is merely a link away, but hardly ever pause to utilize it?

How many times have we opened our Bibles, with the intention to skim through a random passage so that we can quickly attend to other matters?

How many Churches were split due to different beliefs and doctrines, from supporting homosexuality right down to denying Jesus is God?

How many times have we experienced ourselves resolving to live a more spiritual life, only to start cursing when crap happens right after?

It is especially during these trials that we are to persevere in our spiritual devotion. It is easy to enthusiastically sing praise under the ideal setting of good music, rousing speeches, a comfortable environment, surrounded by wonderful people. The reality is that hiccups and bird droppings are common occurrences in our everyday life, in some instances more than usual. Saint Teresa of Avila on one unfortunate day was thought to have said to Jesus, “If this is the way you treat your friends, it’s no wonder you have so few!”

Our Lord had warned of those who formed their hearts on rocky ground or on thorns: that the seed that springs forth would wither in the mildest scorch, or stunted without ever coming to bear fruit. Much harder it is to fill our hearts with good soil, to clear the debris and remove the weeds before planting. But just as well-graded fertilizers yield bountiful crop, the reward of eternal life will surely await those who persevere in faith and prayer.

RFG always.